Health jokes

What do a gynecologist and deaf people have in common? They both read lips.

What do you call an epileptic kid?

Little Seizures.

Yo mama so fat, she got arrested for carrying 100 pounds of crack.

Q: Why didn't the skeleton laugh at the joke?

A: He broke his funny bone!

Why did the banana go to the doctor?

Because he wasn't peeling very well!

What sound does a nut make when it sneezes? Cashew.

My mom asked my doctor, "Why is my unvaccinated baby crying?"

The doctor replied, "He's going through a midlife crisis."

Did you hear about the guy whose left side was cut off? He's all right now.

Which is faster, hot or cold?

Hot, because you can catch cold.

How do you make the world’s greatest Harlem Shake?

Throw a flashbang into a room full of epileptics.

Why do hospitals have air conditioning?

To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.

The cancer patient asked the doctor how many more months he had to live. The doctor replied, "Tu-more."

When your girl is sucking your dick and chokes on it, not because it’s big but because you haven’t washed it in weeks.

Joe Biden doesn’t follow his own f**king mask mandate.

If I ever stuff up a post, please let me be. I do have ADHD, short-term memory disorder, and dyscalculia, so please remember that no one likes to be picked on for things that they can't control.

Q: Why is Japan the healthiest country?

A: Last time they had a fat man, 80,000 people died.

Your mom's so heavy that it caused Atlas, the Titan, to slip a disc.

Where did the eye doctor keep all his kittens? On Cat-A-Racks!

Hey girl, are you osteoporosis, because you're giving me a "bone" condition.

How do you know a vampire's sick?

If he's coffin (coughing?)