Health jokes

What do you get if you cross a loaf of bread with a vagina?

A yeast infection.

The cancer patient asked the doctor how many more months he had to live. The doctor replied, "Tu-more."

When your girl is sucking your dick and chokes on it, not because it’s big but because you haven’t washed it in weeks.

If I ever stuff up a post, please let me be. I do have ADHD, short-term memory disorder, and dyscalculia, so please remember that no one likes to be picked on for things that they can't control.

Joe Biden doesn’t follow his own f**king mask mandate.

Your mom's so heavy that it caused Atlas, the Titan, to slip a disc.

Q: Why is Japan the healthiest country?

A: Last time they had a fat man, 80,000 people died.

What did one poop say to the other poop? What's the matter? You look flushed!

How do you know a vampire's sick?

If he's coffin (coughing?)

Hey girl, are you osteoporosis, because you're giving me a "bone" condition.

Where did the eye doctor keep all his kittens? On Cat-A-Racks!

Your mother is so fat that her BMI (Body Mass Index) exceeds 40, therefore classifying her as morbidly obese.

Teacher: Don’t run into the road!

Down syndrome: Weeeeee!

Teacher: Lol, now he’s a mashed potato.

"Don't break a person's heart, they only have one."

"Yeah, break their bones instead... they have over 200 of those :)"

"I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth," the woman told her dentist.

He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair."

What's something similar between a clogged pipe and a pregnant woman?

You fix both with a coat hanger.

What do you call a person in a wheelchair?

Virgin Mobile.

What do you call a disabled kid who is blind?

A grape chilli bean.

What do you call Greg in your class? Obese.

Yo momma is so fat, when she caught the flesh-eating bacteria, it gave up!