Health jokes
A man sees a woman. He falls in love with her. Little did he know she had AIDS.
Fat person: "Hey, what's up?"
Friend: "Your blood pressure!"
What is the difference between a priest and a doctor?
The doctor doesn't like to give physicals.
What's harder than taking a shit?
Trying to take a shit while constipated!
How do you know when a fat person stops eating? You read about it in the obituary.
Why does cancer kill you? Because it does. 🌝
I just found out I'm colorblind. News came out of the purple.
I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.
He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.
Doctor: Congratulations!!!
Woman: Was it a successful delivery?
Doctor: No, it’s DiGiorno!
I forgot the joke.
What's the only part of a vegetable you cannot eat?
Wheelchair.
What do you call it when a gay guy farts?
An abortion.
What's the worst thing about eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
What's the hardest part about eating vegetables?
Eating the wheelchair.
Why did Muhammad Ali go down? Because he couldn't stand the cancer.
What is the difference between anal and oral sex?
Oral sex makes your whole day. Anal sex makes your hole weak.
Roses are red, my mental health is blue, Karen got no mom like you.
I have no toes, so I put blood on my foot, and then my other foot got run over, so, ye.
You lost 30 lbs when you joined Weight Watchers, and lost another 10 lbs when they shaved your back.
How do you help a rape victim on a diet lose 7 pounds?
Kill her afterwards.