Health jokes

Q: Why didn't the skeleton laugh at the joke?

A: He broke his funny bone!

If you are dehydrated, you should get well soon.

The cancer patient asked the doctor how many more months he had to live. The doctor replied, "Tu-more."

Why are retards good at basketball?

'Cause they dribble all the time!

When your girl is sucking your dick and chokes on it, not because it’s big but because you haven’t washed it in weeks.

If I ever stuff up a post, please let me be. I do have ADHD, short-term memory disorder, and dyscalculia, so please remember that no one likes to be picked on for things that they can't control.

Q: Why is Japan the healthiest country?

A: Last time they had a fat man, 80,000 people died.

Joe Biden doesn’t follow his own f**king mask mandate.

Your mom's so heavy that it caused Atlas, the Titan, to slip a disc.

Your mother is so fat that her BMI (Body Mass Index) exceeds 40, therefore classifying her as morbidly obese.

What did one poop say to the other poop? What's the matter? You look flushed!

Where did the eye doctor keep all his kittens? On Cat-A-Racks!

Hey girl, are you osteoporosis, because you're giving me a "bone" condition.

How do you know a vampire's sick?

If he's coffin (coughing?)

Teacher: Don’t run into the road!

Down syndrome: Weeeeee!

Teacher: Lol, now he’s a mashed potato.

I saw a dad shave his daughter's head because she made fun of a woman with cancer.

Good thing she didn’t make fun of a pregnant woman 🤭

"I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth," the woman told her dentist.

He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair."

A man once ate the left side of a person. One guy watching asked if the guy he was eating was okay. The man eating him said, "No... it's okay, he's all right now."

You know how we all have different sides? Well, I have a suicidal side. (Here a bang in the next room.) Oh well, not anymore :)

What do you call a disabled kid who is blind?

A grape chilli bean.