Health jokes
What's bald and can't grow no hair?
A kid with cancer.
How do you cure a ginger?
Chemotherapy.
A midget had a disease, and the cure was on the highest shelf.
Why does my cheating ex-wife wear a colostomy bag? She lost her ass playing poker...
Every zodiac sign has a different hairstyle except Cancer.
Oh, my fat joke offended you? Which one of your chins did I hurt?
You're so small that when you go to the doctor, he doesn’t know you're there.
Aunt: On the internet, buying weight loss pills for 15 dollars.
Niece: I found that show on Netflix that you wanted to watch. It's 3 dollars to watch.
Aunt: I'm not paying for that shit.
Niece: Yet you sit there and buy weight loss pills.
What's the same thing between milk and a kid with cancer?
They both have an expiry date.
What is it called when a depressed person gets a stroke?
A stroke of luck :)
How can you tell an anti-vaccine kid?
It's only got 10 hours to live.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Yeah, he's all right now.
I tried getting an abortion, but they said, "Sir, this is a pizzeria."
This anorexic girl wanted to fight me. I told her that I would roast her, but she didn't have any meat.
Why are skinny people skinny?
Because he don't have a family to breastfeed on.
What happened when the American broke his arm?
He went broke.
A genealogist looks at the family tree.
A gynecologist looks up the family bush.
Why did Stephen Hawking roll across the road? Because he had amyotrophic lateral sclerosis.
Why does the orange 🍊 beat the other fruits 🍎 in every race?
Because it never runs out of juice.
Been getting a lot of paper cuts on my fingers lately, I guess it's a sign I should go lower.