Health jokes
Yo mama so old that her breastmilk was powdered. You breastfeed like this 🌬💨.
What can you do if you can't bear sharing the same blood as your father who raped you?
Have a blood transfusion.
What do you call a kid having a seizure on a dance floor? An improvement.
Why did the girl not eat her dinner?
because she has an eating disorder.
Cancer, it's just funny, hahaha.
Roses are black, violets are black.
I’m colorblind.
What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?
Acne doesn't cum on a kid's face 'til they're 13 or 14.
What's the difference between a surgeon and God?
God knows he's not a surgeon.
What do you call a retarded person and a stroke victim in the same bed?
Mashed potatoes.
Why did the loo 🚽 roll roll down the stairs? To get to the bottom.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
Person: I broke my arm in three places.
Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.
Ahem... if somebody you don't like, or somebody random just calls you in general,
answer the phone with this:
"Hello, thank you for choosing Mama's Pizzeria/Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, how may I help you?"
or
"Hello, this is David's Orphanage, you make them, we take them, how may I help you?"
Some people's reactions are priceless, and then they wonder about your mental health.
My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese.
As if she doesn't have enough on her plate.
What do you call an abortion in a bathtub?
Chunky Tomato Soup.
What’s the worst part about eating vegetables? Putting them back in the wheelchair.
What do you do when you finish a magazine at the hospital?
You reload and keep shooting.
When I get suicidal, everyone worries. I don't know why because that is when I'm the happiest, thinking about death.
Face-Timing My Girlfriend:
"Hey girl! Are you a veterinarian? Because these puppies are sick!" *shows muscle*
What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest? Acne waits until a kid is a teenager to come on its face.
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah!" (from Elton John)