Health jokes
What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese.
What's the similarity between gay men and an ambulance?
They both take it in the back and go woop woop.
Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction after eating 12-year-old nuts.
Less depresso, more espresso, I'm still depressed, but now I'm fast.
One time Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction from eating 12-year-old nuts.
I have nut cancer...
Two cows are grazing in a field.
One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!"
Why can't Oregon go to the doctor?
Because they need parents' signature.
Why did the orphan try to get hurt?
Because then they would get surrounded with people who care about him.
He looks around, no one is there.
Why aren't Down's syndrome jokes funny?
Because the format of them is ugly.
JACK AND JILL 2.0
After Jill went down the hill to get a pill,
Jack was screaming till his voice went nil,
And Jill screamed "Chill!"
Jack and Jill went up a hill
To pick some dill.
Jack slid down the hill and hurt his leg of skill,
And he needed a painkiller pill.
My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.
We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!
My grief counselor died.
He was so good, I don’t even care! 😂😂😂
Why can’t orphans go to the hospital? The front desk always asks, “Where are your parents?”
I went to a disco at a seafood restaurant the other day...
... And pulled a mussel.
Lemme just say one thing:
Depression is not funny. Two of my best friends have it, and it's actually quite hard to watch them suffer with it. They cry all the time, they get upset all the time, they either have wanted to or still do want to kill themselves. It's really not funny to joke about depression.
Crimes in 2018: assault, murder.
Crimes in 2020: coughing in public.
You're so fat that when you went outside, you broke the 2-meter rule for COVID.
Like if I'm fine-ish.