Health jokes
What is the difference between a guy with cancer and the Twin Towers?
Nothing, they both fell.
How do you tell if someone is depressed?
The brains on the wall.
Friend: Ur sister after you were born. 😭
Me: Ur brother after chemotherapy. 😵
Doctor: You have cancer.
Patient: Will I survive?
Doctor: Probably not.
Why did the bike fall over?
Because it was two tired.
One time in my dream, I had a dream that all people in wheelchairs could walk. It was awesome; I could walk!
Who is the first person an orphan sees? The doctor.
I cut my dick. It is all right now, and half the size but makes for excellent breakfast.
Q: What do you call a person with Down's syndrome who smokes weed?
A: Baked potato.
There's an outbreak of foot and mouth disease, it can affect pigs and cows.
I hope my teacher will be ok.
Your mummy so skinny, she can't eat!
It's still depression, by the way.
A depressed guy walks into a bar and says, "Can I get shot?"
The bartender then says, "You mean, can you get a shot, right?"
The bartender then says, "Well... what drink would you like?"
The depressed guy then responds with, "No, I really want to get shot."
Someone: When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to cheer up.
Me: My, what a great idea! Why didn't I think of that? ;)
I knew a girl that died from having phone sex... She died of hearing aids.
What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese.
What's the similarity between gay men and an ambulance?
They both take it in the back and go woop woop.
Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction after eating 12-year-old nuts.
Less depresso, more espresso, I'm still depressed, but now I'm fast.
One time Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction from eating 12-year-old nuts.