Jack and Jill went up a hill
To pick some dill.
Jack slid down the hill and hurt his leg of skill,
And he needed a painkiller pill.
Health Jokes
My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.
We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!
My grief counselor died.
He was so good, I don’t even care! 😂😂😂
Why can’t orphans go to the hospital? The front desk always asks, “Where are your parents?”
I went to a disco at a seafood restaurant the other day...
... And pulled a mussel.
Lemme just say one thing:
Depression is not funny. Two of my best friends have it, and it's actually quite hard to watch them suffer with it. They cry all the time, they get upset all the time, they either have wanted to or still do want to kill themselves. It's really not funny to joke about depression.
Crimes in 2018: assault, murder.
Crimes in 2020: coughing in public.
You're so fat that when you went outside, you broke the 2-meter rule for COVID.
Like if I'm fine-ish.
This anorexic girl wanted to fight me. I told her that I would roast her, but she didn't have any meat.
Dentist said I grind in my sleep... he a real one for that.
You're so fat, when you say the n-word, boogers come out.
Knock knock. Who's there? Artichokes. Artichokes who? Artichokes when he eats too fast.
If only Africa had more mosquito nets, then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of AIDS.
Imagine if Joe Biden was elected for a second term.
He would be the first president to be assassinated by a slick bathtub.
My 1 year old nephew had a stroke. I know, sounds bad... but he would have needed to learn how to speak and walk anyways.
What did the dentist say when he looks into a patient's mouth?
"I C D K"
You know what I see?
DICK
Why did the rape victim stop eating pears?
Because she was told that if you rearrange the letters "PEAR," it spells "rape."
What do you call an alligator that can't get hard? A reptile dysfunction.
A man walks into a doctor's office, naked and wrapped in Glad Wrap.
The doctor replies with: "I can clearly see your nuts."
