Thing 1: What's the difference between nuts and almonds?
Thing 2: I don't know, what?
Thing 1: One gets hard faster.
What did the cancer doctor say?
You just got a new Christmas present—cancer!
One tonsil said to the other tonsil, “We must be in San Juan Capistrano, here comes another swallow.”
What do my little brother and a vagina have in common?
They both ooze blood 🩸 when punched.
A guy does not know anything. Oh, wait, he has dementia.
A man bought steroids from Amazon.com... He was expecting a big package to come!
So, my son is into astronomy, and he asked how stars die. I said, "Usually overdose."
"Jack and Jill went home because he was sick because of the virus in town, gave him a frown, and his arms were pricked."
TRUE STORY!
X-Ray Tech: I broke my arm and went to the hospital. The X-Ray Tech was the hottest blonde I've ever seen.
I threw her ass down on the X-Ray table, ripped her clothes off, ripped off mine and I jumped on top of her!
Then I put the X-ray machine on top of us, turned it on and I looked up on the X-ray monitor and I watched and saw my sperm swimming up inside her!
What did the tissue wear?
A shoe.
What does a pregnant lady and pigs have in common?
They're both fat.
I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it! 😌
Would you rather:
Fight Mike Tyson
Or
Lick an elephant's butt after it took a crap with diarrhea?
Would you rather eat a girl out who has: herpes, COVID, and AIDS while she is on her period?
Or eat live worms, bats, and mice?
Would you rather have a menstrual period with horrible cramps for 200 days straight (including men)?
Or eat 10 lbs of dog s**t every day for 100 days?
"You is so black your mama fainted."
When you were born, your mom said you were out of bounds, so you went flying out of the hospital.
Tooth 1: Hey, do you like my jokes?
Tooth 2: Yeah, but they're cracking me up.
Exercise? I thought you said "extra fries."
What's the best way to remove gum from hair?
Cancer.
