Health jokes

You think people with glasses are smart, but they fail the eye doctor test.

What did Stephen Hawking have for breakfast? His left shoulder.

If you think the guy calling you fat is offensive,

Try salad 🥗.

Chalie has an eating disorder, and he is shorter, so is his life, but he will never get a wife. He's a gay motherfucker who wants to be hit by a trucker?

What is the best way to get gum out of your hair?

Cancer.

What do you call a Barbie doll that’s wearing scrubs?

A plastic surgeon. 😷

A book went to the doctor’s office and said: “Doctor, doctor, I’ve got thesaurus throat ever.”

What does a cigarette and a hamster have in common?

Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.

Nie cut G.

It’s sad how my friend was struck from the medical register for sleeping with a patient.

He was a great vet.

Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”

Patient: “OK.”

Dentist: “I’m having an affair with your wife!”

Good Evening Twitter, this is your boy EatDatPussy445, and about like 30-45 minutes ago, I beat the f*** out of my dick so god damn hard that I can't even feel my left leg, my left leg has went totally numb. And, my dick has also went totally numb, to the point where it feels f***ing weird when I go and take a piss.

My stepdad has stage 4 cancer and is going through chemotherapy... at least he saves money on shampoo and conditioner.

What's the difference between herpes and my dad?

Herpes stays around.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Finding half a worm in your apple!

Yo mama so dumb, she studied for a COVID test.

My friend died from Ligma!

Ligma balls.

I hate salmonella.

It is such a pain in the butt.

So skinny you have to run around in the shower to get wet.

What do you call a body without a nose?

Nobody knows.