Health jokes
Why is he called Stephen Hawking?
Because he is always trying to hawk up phlegm to clear his throat.
At least he got D.L.A. (Disability Living Allowance), so it's not all bad. Every cloud has a silver lining...even a mushroom cloud.
For sale: Wheelchair, one careful owner, no longer needed.
This isn't really a joke, but I HAVE PTSD, YAY! :)
Bro's chin looks like it's from that movie cartoon named Kronk. No wonder he got stung by a bee and took an ibuprofen to reduce the pain, but instead it grew longer.
What would be the most heartbreaking scene in a dementia film? I forgor 💀.
You're so skinny my grandma gonna use you like a cane.
If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
My friend said they were going to make a comeback. I told them to do it at the back of the throat.
I have 206 bones. When I look at you, I have 207.
My hemorrhoids are so bad, I’ve had toilet bowls that looked like abortions.
You lost 30 lbs when you joined Weight Watchers, and lost another 10 lbs when they shaved your back.
Why was the apple 🍎 sad?
Because he got his peelings hurt.
What are the four letters you don't want to hear from a dentist?
I C D K
When is the best time to go to the dentist?
2:30.
Ajay's leg.
When you step on the scales, it says "to be confined."
Doctor: I can't treat you.
Orphan: Why!
Doctor: I'm a family doctor.
But you could get plastic surgery and look 20 years younger. With that, no one will suspect you!
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a coma. After 6 months, she woke up. She asked the doctor, "How's the baby?"
"You had twins," the doctor replied. "Your brother named them."
The woman said, "Oh no, not my brother! What did he call them?"
The doctor said, "He called the girl Denise."
"What about the boy?" the woman asked.
The doctor said, "Denephew."