Health jokes
My friend said they were going to make a comeback. I told them to do it at the back of the throat.
I have 206 bones. When I look at you, I have 207.
My hemorrhoids are so bad, I’ve had toilet bowls that looked like abortions.
You lost 30 lbs when you joined Weight Watchers, and lost another 10 lbs when they shaved your back.
Why was the apple 🍎 sad?
Because he got his peelings hurt.
What are the four letters you don't want to hear from a dentist?
I C D K
When is the best time to go to the dentist?
2:30.
Ajay's leg.
When you step on the scales, it says "to be confined."
Doctor: I can't treat you.
Orphan: Why!
Doctor: I'm a family doctor.
But you could get plastic surgery and look 20 years younger. With that, no one will suspect you!
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a coma. After 6 months, she woke up. She asked the doctor, "How's the baby?"
"You had twins," the doctor replied. "Your brother named them."
The woman said, "Oh no, not my brother! What did he call them?"
The doctor said, "He called the girl Denise."
"What about the boy?" the woman asked.
The doctor said, "Denephew."
Having a stroke?
Stop it!
Why can’t the blind man see?
He just can’t see. 🫤
Have you ever heard of hearing aids?
Yeah, me neither.
What time is it when you have a toothache?
2:30 (Tooth hurty).
What was the drug addict's favorite nursery rhyme?
I'm a little crack pot short and stout, put that crack pipe in my mouth, sell my body or sell my couch, get that lighter and smoke me out!
Q: What's the difference between an abortion clinic and Uber Eats?
A: The abortion clinic doesn't deliver.
It's important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my best friends would still be alive.
If you feel a lump in your rice, you fucked up.
If you feel a lump in your skin, you have cancer.