My brother caught Covid last month.
First I knew about it was when he speed-dialled me at 3am and gasped, "I can't breathe, I can't breathe!"
I just told him straight: "Bro... you really need to work on your George Floyd jokes."
Two brothers play on the street. One of them finds a condom on the ground. Not knowing what it is, they go to their mum and ask what it is that they found. Mum gets mad and yells to throw that away immediately.
Guys go back to the yard, surprised why their mum got mad for just latex. One of them says: "Why did mum get so angry?" The other: "I have no idea, thankfully we did not tell her that we've eaten the yogurt inside!"
You're losing all your friends, but never any calories.
Why can't people with Tourette's learn to drive?
Because they'll cause a car crash.
This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"
Doctor: I’m so sorry, sir, but you only have a couple months left.
The sir: My children will be devastated.
Doctor: But I have a shot that can change that.
The sir: Whatever it takes.
*Suppressed gunshots*
Pooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
My parents telling me: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
Me upset about my suicide attempt doesn't succeed.
The moment when you're too depressed to fantasize about death--it's so tiring.
What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!
What do you call an accomplished opera singer with recurring gonorrhea?
Standing ovation!
I broke my arm yesterday. My bro said it is Arm-ageddon, and I still don’t know why.
Therapist just mean the-rapist.
What do you call a disabled kid who is blind?
A grape chilli bean.
"Dog the dog" and Maggie were frightened of her, and the kangaroo said that she had to be in a hospital with a doctor. Jokes and Maggie were walking. I was going to go off the road to the city hall to see her, and I said that the only one-piece dress for women readymade RB collection, as he was walking in the city, and Maggie was a little bit more on the side of it.
Know why they call gonorrhea gonorrhea?
'Cause once you have it, everyone is gone.
Parademic
"Peppa Pig"-like pandemics.
"Parademics are so bad, yo mama can't stop!"
Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.
Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!
