When the cannibal was late for dinner, he got the cold shoulder.
I go into get a prostate exam, I’m nervous but the doctor says its all natural and needs to be done.
So he pulls down my pants and sticks one finger up my ass. I feel it go deeper inside , feeling for abnormalities.
That’s when I realize his hands are on my shoulders.
How did they know that princess Diana had dandraff? , They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment…
You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. – If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.
How do we know that Princess Diana had dandruff…
Because they found her head and shoulders in the glovebox.
Three nuns are on their way up to heaven after having been involved in a terrible minibus crash on the Italian Alps that killed them and the driver (he went the other direction!) As they’re approaching the Pearly Gates to be interview by St. Peter, they are requested by an attendant to form a single line and wait. Sister Agnes is first, Sister Bernadette behind her and Sister Carmel on the end. Finally, St. Peter approaches the nuns to determine their worthiness for entry to Heaven. He says to the first nun : “Sister Agnes, have you ever seen the p.... of a man”? Sister Agnes bursts into tears and says : Yes, St. Peter, I have, but please don’t let this prevent me from entering the Kingdom of Heaven". St. Peter says : “Never fear, my child. Say a thousand Hail Marys and then go over to that font of Holy Water and wash your eyes out, then you shall enter the Kingdom of Heaven”. Sister Carmel sees what’s going on and taps Sister Bernadette on the shoulder, somewhat urgently. “Pssst - hey Bernie”!, she says. Sister Bernadette asks : “What is it?” A little annoyed. Sister Carmel says : “Do you mind if we swap places”? Sister Bernadette replies : “What for”? Sister Carmel says : “Well, I wouldn’t mind gargling before you stick your ass in there”!
Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn’t wearing a seat belt.
How did they know Princess Diana had Dandruff? They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment.
A man was mowing his lawn when blue and reg stuff came out instead of grass. Next thing he knew a smurf was on his shoulder asking if he’s seen his friend.
I took an uber home the other day, and the basterd was swerving all over the road and driving on the shoulder… I said “who the f... taught you to drive”… To this he replied “Stevie Wonder”.
A feminist walks into a bar. Her friend says “oh my god your shoulders are broad!” another woman says “are you sure it’s a woman?”
Teacher; why did the skeleton know the weather outside(shrugs shoulders) student; cuz he could feel it in his bones(lenny face) teacher:no he read the weather report you f...ing idiot