God jokes

If you argued that God was a woman, 49.8% of the US population would try and raise Hell.

Just to ask the other guy.

Talk about a male supremacist religion.

What is God's favorite planet?

Saturn because it has a ring around it.

I can't have my Oreos 😭 Why?

My dad still hasn't came back with that God damn milk.

What did Satin say to God??

"Bitch, what the fuck you looking at?"

There were 15 ugly guys on a bus. The bus crashed, and they all went to heaven.

God took pity on them and told the ugly dudes they could have one wish. The first guy said, "I want to be handsome." God granted his wish. The second guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the first guy." God granted his wish. The third guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the second guy." God granted his wish, and this continued on and on until the 15th ugly guy. The ugly guy was laughing, really hard. "What is your wish?" God asked him. "I WANT ALL THESE GUYS UGLY AGAIN!!!!!" God granted his wish.

Me: (Jaiden) Why are you crying? Do you know where your parents are?

Orphan: *Sobs* "No."

God, I love working at an orphanage!

Your forehead is big. God said dude that's bigger than me and I'm infinitely big!

This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"

God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."

You wanna hear a good joke, kiddos?

Gods being real. (Newsflash, all gods are manmade. THEY'RE ALL FICTION!)

*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."

Person 2: "Probably Bullets."

Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"

Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."

Person 1: "...."

Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."

Eminem: "He don't even know his own father." Orphans: Dang, wish I could listen to that. Eminem: At least you have a rap God to call father.

What’s the difference between God and Hitler?

God made thousands of bread, Hitler made thousands of toast.

When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to just cheer up, god damn, why didn't I think of that?

God sent gays to fix overpopulation. Until they ended same-sex marriage.

My first thought when I read Betty Pear's obituary was, "Thank God for Alzheimer's!"

A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find Jesus instead, he'll help you!"

And then the man says, "It's pretty hard to 'get help' from something that doesn't exist."

I thank God that I'm not as ugly as you.

When Stephen Hawking entered Heaven and met with the Lord, after a short interview God asked: "Hey Stephen, I need you to explain to me how does all this stuff work?"

My current love life is like a god. It’s not real.

Chuck Norris met God once. Now God is the puny human.