God said, "Let there be light." Chuck Norris said, "You have to say please first."
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Women treat me like a god They ignore me till they need something
During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"
Mom, how were hoomans made? Son, it’s because Adam and Eve were brought down by god and made babies!
Dad, how were hoomans made. Son, us humans evolved from monkeys!
Mom, dad said hoomans were evolved from monkeys, is that true? Oh son, (ruffles smol man’s hair) your dad was telling you his side of the family, and I was telling my side :)
[God creating bees] God: putt a needel on their butt Angel: come on god wha- God: make its puke delicious Angel: wtf
Sex is like math. Subtract the clothes, Add the bed, Divide the legs, and pray to God there is no multiplying.
3 men walk into heaven at the same time. they all live in the same city. god asks the first man "how did you die?" the man says "I have a heart condition and iv'e been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. anyway I get how from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hang of the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guys fingers! he falls into a bush so I throw a refrigerator on him." God asks the next man "how did you die?" the man says I was cleaning the windows and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! luckily I fall safely in a bush! but then a refrigerator falls on me!" god asks the third man he says" I was the one in the fridge!"
Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven?
Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
A boy with Down Syndrome was talking with his mom.
“Mom, why did God make me like this?”, he said
“It’s because God made you special.”, she said.
“Just kidding, I was only talking about your needs.”
A guy runs into a bar, and yells, “Quick! How tall is a penguin?”
The bartender says, “Three feet tall.”
The guy says, “Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!”
A feminist walks into a bar. Her friend says "oh my god your shoulders are broad!" another woman says "are you sure it's a woman?"
If were all gods children.. whats so special about jesus?
One day there were two muffins in an oven, one of the muffins said, "man its hot in here." The other one said "Oh my god! A talking muffin!!!"
God: you're gonna have 2 parents.
Orphan: douvle it and give it to the next person
jesus and satan are just basically homer and flanders. one tries to help the other, only for satan to just say "shut up".
And God said to John, "Come forth and you shall be granted eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Race car backwards is race car but if you turn race car sideways that’s how Paul walker go sent to gods inbox
What did Gordon Ramsay say to Hitler? “Oh my god put them back in the damn ovens! They’re so under-cooked they’re writing fucking diaries!”
