Why did God make pigs before politicians?
He just needed some practice
What did god say to the black person Oops I burned oneš³
Not racist just funny
[god creating the parrot] OK HOW ABOUT A TYEDYE CHICKEN THAT SCREAMS ACTUAL WORDS AT YOU
Luigi was dying had two sons Bruno was handsome but Alberto was ugly He said Maria tell me is the is Alberto my son Yes Luigi his wife said and he died happily Wife said thank God he didnāt ask about the other one !!
My friend asked me once, "Is there any religion in the world that preaches a god who masturbates in a closed room." "Islam it is."
*guy feels something on his back* āoh god, please let that be a rifleā āNope. Iām just real happy to see youā
God: ok so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look like from being born to preteen. Satan:(slides in) Iāll take over for you pops. God: I dunno....this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system. Satan: donāt worry your beard off! (Pats his back) Iāll just do the ages from 12 to 18! God: Hmm...Iām still not-(Gets a call on his phone) shoot I got to take this. (Answers call) donāt touch anything Lucifer! (Walks away) Satan:.......(just touches lightly and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away) God:(rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?! God:(tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) fuck me........ God:....(sighs) fine itāll stay. Weāll just call it....puberty
Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, "Who created the Earth?" And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, "MY GOD!" And the teacher says, "Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth." Sally sits down. Then, the teacher asks, "Where do you go after you live a good life?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, "HEAVENS TO BETSY!" And the teacher says, "Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life." Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around. And then, the teacher asks the class, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around and says, "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I'm gonna lose it!" And the teacher faints.
*God creates dog* God: "You are man's best friend"
Dog: "That's pretty sexist"
God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak"
Dog: "....."
God: "And chocolate kills you!"
Dog: "š¶"
A doctor walks into the room and tells his patient, "I have some bad news for you. You really have to stop masturbating." The man looks aghast and says, "Oh my God, doc, why?!" The doctor replies, "I'm trying to examine you."
There was a very lazy person. He saw a banana peel in front of him while he was walking... and he said: āOh God, protect me from fallingā!!!
Why did God steal a rib from Adam and make a woman out of it? God wanted to show that nothing sensible can come of stealing!
The dear God created the man. Then he created woman. When he then saw what he had done, he took care of tobacco and alcohol.
Iām not religious, but youāre the answer to all of my prayers.
God Youāre having a good day? Me yes beats burning in hell
Thank god I went on the tenth
"If you yeet one thing that has been yoted, the yeet gods will help you"-Chris Tyson, MrBeast's friend, and your mom >:)
I, am Thor. And next year, I will be five
God when terminally ill children beg him to heal them
God: No, I donāt want to
Me: Hey god are you there" it's me Michael "god":*SILENCE* Me: If any gods exist they better say or do something this instant. "god": *SILENCE*
