A man decides on a day that it is time to buy a pet. He goes to the pet store, looks around and sees a beautiful parrot, sitting quietly on a stick in his cage. Yet the beast has no feet and paws. "What is the matter with you?" the man thinks aloud. "Well, that's how I was born, I'm actually a faulty parrot" says the bird. "Haha," the man laughs, "it seems like that parrot understands what I'm saying and even answers!" "I understand everything you say, I am extremely intelligent and very well educated," says the bird. "Well, if you're so smart then tell me how you can stay on your stick without legs." "Well," says the parrot, "it's a bit embarrassing, but okay, I wrap my little parrot penis around the stick, like a hook, but I hide that with my thick feathers." "Wow, you really understand everything I say, do not you?" "Yes, yes," replies the bird, "and I speak Spanish and English fluently, I can speak on a level about almost everything, politics, religion, sport and philosophy and I specialize in bird science, you should buy me, I am also a very good friend for you. " The man looks at the price tag, 200 euros is on it. "Sorry, I can not afford that." "Psst," whispers the parrot as he beckons the man with his wing closer. "Nobody wants me because I do not have legs, just bid 25 euros and you can take me with you." The man offers 25 euros and walks 5 minutes later with the parrot out of the store. A few weeks pass. The parrot is sensational. He is fun and interesting, gives good advice, is sympathetic to everyone, in short; the perfect roommate and friend. One day the man comes home from work and the parrot says "Pssssssssssst" while he beckons his wing again. The man comes close to the cage. "I do not know if I should tell you this," says the parrot, "but it's about your wife and the postman." "What!?" says the man. "Well, the postman came to the door and your wife greeted him in a nothing disguised nightgown and kissed him flat on the mouth." "And then," the man hisses, "What happened then?" "Well, the postman came in, grabbed her nightgown and started caressing her everywhere." "My God," says the now furious man, "And what else did they do?" "Then he took off her nightgown, went through his knees and started to lick her everywhere, starting at her breasts and getting further and further down." "And then, what happened, what else did they do?" the man screams . "No idea," says the papgaai, "I got a boner and thundered off my stick ..."
One day, a preist and a nun went to play golf together. In the first shot, the preist missed his shot and said “Fuck I missed it.” The nun replied “Hey you should not curse.” In the second shot, the preist missed his shot again and said “Fuck I missed again.” The nun replied “Hey stop swearing, or else god will punish you.” In the next shot, the preist missed once again. He shouted “Fuck this, this game is bullshit.” The nun replied “Enough! God is definitely going to punish you anytime.” Suddenly, a thunderbolt stroke the nun and killed her, the clouds separated from the sky and there was a voice in the sky saying “Oh fuck I missed.”
Freddy: Im coming for u >:)
Me:god no help
*game notification pops up with very loud sound*
Yo hair line so messed up god said yo hair line on the cross getting hit on that ceoss
Your so short that I had to ask god why he made you short ass toothpick legs
When God had to take a shit from making a good wife. You pasted between his ass cheeks...
If we can't say god in vane why dose he get to.
roses are red violets blue i thank god im not as ugly as you
Yo mama so fat that the avengers team had to snap five times and say oh my God
What did satin say to god??
Bitch what the fuck you looking at
Roses are red violts are blue god made me pritty what happend to you
Knock,Knock Who's there Golly Golly who God-ly leave me alone
God took away Steven Hawkins privlages
Premise 1 : IF God exists , he exists. Premise 2 : If God exists , he exists. Premise 3 : IF God exists , he definitely exists. Conclusion : therefore he exists
Texter 1: You know People treat me like a god
Texter 2: How?
Texter 1: They ignore my existence unless they need something
this guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to god please let me out it is too cold in here god is all confused there is a big fire in there the guy answers yes there is but you cannot get near it all the bishops cardinals and priests are sitting around it
your forhead so big scientests mesured it studyed it and then finally they said :OH MY GOD... your forhead is so big its a 50 mile car ride from your eyebrous to your hair and
The only reason communism started was because god looked at your face
when god said let there be light he saw ur mum and said let there be dark
