I believe "Self-Babtism" is a nice way of saying "Failed Suicide Attempt"
Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn't real Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk
A Muslim is about to commit suicide when a Catholic priest stops him "What are you doing?!" Exclaims the priest
"There is nothing on this Earth for me." The Muslim says "I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!"
The priest shakes his head
"Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!" He says
"Follow me, Ill take you to the local primary school."
Police: Where Do You Live? Blonde: With My Parents Police: Where Does Your Parents Live? Blonde: With Me Police: Where Do You All Live? Blonde: Together Police: Where Is Your House? Blonde: Next To My Neighbors House Police: Where Is Your Neighbors House? Blonde: If I Tell You, You Won't Believe Me. Police: Tell Me. Blonde: Next To My House.
Why do heterosexual men and heterosexual women believe that bisexual men don't exist because male bisexuality doesn't exist Because it doesn't cycle 🚲
If it's true what they say and I quote; "God never gives you more than you can handle"
Then you should pray to those who didn't, that God gave them a body strong enough to survive the attempt.
Muslims commit suicide to go to Paradise and get 72 virgins... I just go to the local primary school
I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says. -- Which makes me an eighth theist.
Every wondered why Chinese kids don’t believe in Santa?
The made the toys
I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child if you don't believe me I can pop my trunk
Flat Earthers
Jesus Christ said my faith can move mountains so Mohammed said my faith can move sky scrapers
Today a child asked if I was an angle, I asked why and he said "mommy says that angels have marks on their wrists because they don't want to be in this world."
My mom said i need Jesus in my life, So I drunk up the holy water ;}.
When someone has an imaginary friend, you call them weird and crazy. But when a group of people have an imaginary friend, you call it religion. :)
Science can fly you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.
Mom, how were hoomans made? Son, it’s because Adam and Eve were brought down by god and made babies!
Dad, how were hoomans made. Son, us humans evolved from monkeys!
Mom, dad said hoomans were evolved from monkeys, is that true? Oh son, (ruffles smol man’s hair) your dad was telling you his side of the family, and I was telling my side :)
Why do people think Jesus is going to come back? He wasn’t nailed to a fucking boomerang!
1 minute silence for those who still think thoughts can't kill you.
My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian I ask her why she isn't anymore and she said she liked the name Christina better