I believe "Self-Babtism" is a nice way of saying "Failed Suicide Attempt"
Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn't real Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk
Police: Where Do You Live? Blonde: With My Parents Police: Where Does Your Parents Live? Blonde: With Me Police: Where Do You All Live? Blonde: Together Police: Where Is Your House? Blonde: Next To My Neighbors House Police: Where Is Your Neighbors House? Blonde: If I Tell You, You Won't Believe Me. Police: Tell Me. Blonde: Next To My House.
If it's true what they say and I quote; "God never gives you more than you can handle"
Then you should pray to those who didn't, that God gave them a body strong enough to survive the attempt.
Why do heterosexual men and heterosexual women believe that bisexual men don't exist because male bisexuality doesn't exist Because it doesn't cycle 🚲
Muslims commit suicide to go to Paradise and get 72 virgins... I just go to the local primary school
I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says. -- Which makes me an eighth theist.
I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child if you don't believe me I can pop my trunk
Today a child asked if I was an angle, I asked why and he said "mommy says that angels have marks on their wrists because they don't want to be in this world."
Flat Earthers
Every wondered why Chinese kids don’t believe in Santa?
The made the toys
Jesus Christ said my faith can move mountains so Mohammed said my faith can move sky scrapers
During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"
Mom, how were hoomans made? Son, it’s because Adam and Eve were brought down by god and made babies!
Dad, how were hoomans made. Son, us humans evolved from monkeys!
Mom, dad said hoomans were evolved from monkeys, is that true? Oh son, (ruffles smol man’s hair) your dad was telling you his side of the family, and I was telling my side :)
My mom said i need Jesus in my life, So I drunk up the holy water ;}.
When someone has an imaginary friend, you call them weird and crazy. But when a group of people have an imaginary friend, you call it religion. :)
Why do people think Jesus is going to come back? He wasn’t nailed to a fucking boomerang!
1 minute silence for those who still think thoughts can't kill you.
My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian I ask her why she isn't anymore and she said she liked the name Christina better
I only believe in 12.5% of the bible. I'm an EIGTHeyist
