God jokes
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One says, "God is my father." The other says, "Who's the father and who is my son?"
There is no god. None, not one.
What's the difference between Jesus and a gay person?
One created the rainbow, the other one ruined it.
(Yes, I know God created the rainbow, not Jesus.)
What did the pirate say when he saw a ghost? He said, "Oh my God, it's me dead parrot!"
Who comes when an orphan gets married? They are allowed back in family restaurants, but when I go in alone, I'm not allowed. I have some parents, for God's sake!
What is the difference between Jesus and the devil?
When the devil came to Earth, he was the one with the nail gun.
God better hope they got an elevator to Heaven.
POV: Orphans rule the world.
God said, "I'm your dad," then kills himself.
The orphan: Waaaaaa!
Yo mama's so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," he asked her to move out of the way.
What did God say when he made Jake Paul?
"Oops, I made a mistake."
When Stephen Hawking died, he saw the stairway to Heaven.
He thought to himself, "Oh God, this is awkward!"
I'm not sure how I'm going to get to Heaven.
God had not built a ramp yet... or an escalator.
I think God is cool with abortion.
After all, he did kill his only son.
Yo mama so fat that the Avengers team had to snap five times and say, "Oh my God!"
Me: God, Bryce, do we really have to talk about this again?
Bryce: What?
Me: You're still talking shit!! I already told you! It's 9 inches! Stop saying it's 3!
P.S. I'm a girl.
Luigi was dying and had two sons. Bruno was handsome, but Alberto was ugly.
He said, "Maria, tell me, is Alberto my son?"
"Yes, Luigi," his wife said, and he died happily.
Wife said, "Thank God he didn’t ask about the other one!"
"FUCK FUCK FUCK MY CLOTHES CAUGHT THE FLAME OH MY GOD IT BURNS SO MUCH!"
Me: Wanna hear a joke?
Person: Sure.
Me: Never mind, I was gonna say my life, but my life isn't a joke! Jokes have meaning.
Person: Dear God...
What did God say to the black person?
"Oops, I burned one."😳
Not racist, just funny.
Ohh my god, it's a dinosaur with a huge ass mothafuckin' noseeee!!!!