God jokes
If we can't say "God" in vain, why does He get to?
[god creating alligators]
God: See that log?
Angel: Yes...?
God: Now fill it with teeth.
Angel: Say again?
God: FILL IT WITH TEETH!
Little Johnny got detention because when he was walking to lunch, he saw a bowl of apples and there was a note on it that said, "Take 1, God is watching." He continued walking and saw a bowl of cookies that said, "Take 1, please." So little Johnny made his own note and he wrote, "Take as many cookies as you want, God is watching the apples."
Your mama is so fat, even God couldn't raise her spirit.
Why did God make men?
Because you can't teach a vibrator how to mow the lawn...
I'm not saying you're ugly, but you're the reason God created miscarriages!
Why does God hate me?
Because I'm a gay minority who fights for women's rights.
Y'all really need to stop hating on pedos!! At least they drive slow in school zones! God.
You're so short that I had to ask God why he made you short-ass toothpick legs.
I saw a little boy playing alone in the street. I told him that was a bad idea, then asked for his parents.
God, orphanages are fun to work at!!
Do you want to give your life to God and be in Heaven?
God: “Steven, join us.”
*sees the staircase to heaven*
Steven: “Shit.”
Why did God make pigs before politicians?
He just needed some practice.
The Flanders Song
God said to Noah, "There’s gonna be a floody-floody."
Rain came down, it started to get muddy-muddy.
Get these animals👏out of the arky-arky."
"Leave me alone!"
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Golly.
Golly who?
Godly leave me alone!
When they said sin was ugly to look at, I didn't know God would use you as an example.
"Pray to God her inside her head. I'm scared of God."
"If you yeet one thing that has been yoted, the yeet gods will help you" - Chris Tyson, MrBeast's friend, and your mom >:)
Belief in Egyptian gods is just Ra-ng (wrong). 😁
A drunk guy is showing friends his new apartment.
The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed.
"What's that gong for?" the friend asks him.
"It's not a gong," the drunk replies. "It's a talking clock."
"How does it work?"
The guy picks up a hammer, gives the gong an ear-shattering pound, and steps back.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screams, "For God's sake, you asshole, it's 3:30 in the god damn morning!"