I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
Yo' mama's cooking is so bad, your family prays after they eat.
When I was little I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike, I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead i just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
Why do orphans go to church? So they have someone to call father
Sex is like math
You add a bed 🛌
Subtract the clothes👚👕👖👙
Divide the legs🪢
And pray you don’t multiply 👨❤️👨👩❤️👨👩❤️👩
I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
If it's true what they say and I quote; "God never gives you more than you can handle"
Then you should pray to those who didn't, that God gave them a body strong enough to survive the attempt.
I started selling landmines disguised as prayer mats.
Prophets are through the roof!
What did the priest say to the other in the orphanage?
"Let us prey together."
What was the last thought Jesus had before he died?
"Man, I could really use a crowbar right about now."
Spray and pray, also known as a priest with an altar boy
A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." The father says, "Good bye Grandad? Why is that?" The daughter says, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, Grandad drops dead.
The father can't believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter's prayers again. She says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma." The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn't know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, "God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy." The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn't go home and stays there until midnight. He's very surprised. 'I've cheated death!' he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, "Where have you been?!" and the husband says, "Oh don't ask me any questions, today's been miserable." The wife replies, "Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch..."
A boy and girl in high school started dating for a while and things were going so well that the girl decided to invite the boy on a weekend trip. She said, "I want you to come spend the weekend at our lakehouse and meet my parents. While we're there, I'd also like to take our relationship to the next level." "I'm there," the boy replied.
The boy was so excited that he ran straight to the pharmacy to pick up some protection. He walked up to the pharmacist and told him about his weekend to come and said he needed some condoms. The pharmacist asked, "Do you want the 3 pack, 6 pack, or family sized 24 pack?" The boy replied, "I plan on getting busy all weekend. I'm not gonna stop pounding her till I'm black and blue. Give me the family pack." "Sure thing," said the pharmacist.
That weekend the boy went to the lakehouse and the whole family was sitting down at the dinner table to pray. The girl's father asked the boy to say grace. The boy prayed and prayed. Almost ten minutes went by. Finally, the girl leaned over to the boy and said, "You never told me that you were so religious." The boy replied, "You never told me that your dad was a pharmacist."
looking out for becoming a pilot, can y'all suggest some good mosques?
don't want to learn the landing part though, allah said it's unnecessary.
A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church.he said to the priest please say a prayer for me and the priest said ‘I ain’t got nun left’ then he died
I pray to a dead human I hope to be reunited with.
Jesus, that's sick.
I’m not religious, but you’re the answer to all of my prayers.
What do u call a Muslim praying: alluakber
What's the difference between a casino and a church?
You actually mean it when you pray at a casino.
This lady has 2 parrots that only say one thing. Hi we're prostitutes, wanna have some fun? So she goes and tells her pastor. He responds with I have two parrots as well, they are always praying and they have everything that a parrot needs to be a christian. Maybe if we put our parrots together, mine will fix yours. They proceed to do so and the lady's parrots say hi we're prostitutes, wanna have some fun? and the pastors parrots reply with Johnny drop your beads and lift your heads our prayers have been answered.
