Go jokes
Why isn't Stephen Hawking going to heaven?
Because he's British.
Friend 1: How can the skeleton tell it was going to rain?
Me: He could feel it in his bones.
Friend 1: No, he read the forecast, you fucking idiot!
Heheh ;3
If this is offensive to anyone, I'm sorry! Hey, wanna see something funny? Go look in your mirror!
How's your day going?
Shut up, I didn't ask.
Use code tiko#teamfish
Two whales went to a bar.
The first whale said, "oooooooohhhhhh." The second whale said, "Greg, I think you're drunk, let's go home."
Memes
What did Santa say to the rain? Go away!
Why do people have sex?
Because they like going "Ahhhhhhhhhhh fuck me, bitch, I love you!"
Why did the ass go to therapy?
It couldn't deal with all the crap.
What do you call a club that owls go to?
Hooters.
Why can't an orphan go on away games?
Their parent will never show up!
Why can't Stephen Hawking go metal detecting?
Because when it beeps, it's him!
Why did the vampire go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
Why did the rapper go to space?
To drop some ASTRONOMICAL bars!
Why did the rapper go to the beach? (Part 2)
To drop some TIGHT RHYMES!
Why can you rub a dog's nose in their pee when they go on the carpet but when I do the same to an Alzheimer's patient I get fired from the nursing home?
I was going to make a bulimia joke, but suddenly it just felt so empty.
If you're ever in need of a punching bag, just go to your local Alzheimer's unit.
They'll forget you were there in like three minutes.
I watched an episode of Law & Order Special Victims Unit. It turns out it's about rape. I thought it was going to be about crimes on a short bus or something.
What's the most embarrassing thing about locking your keys in the car outside a pregnancy care center?
Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger.
I wasn't going to tell another rape joke but fuck it.