Ride Jokes

Anonymous

As a child, my mother always told me she was going horse riding. My whole life change when I found out she was under the horse.

4
hell nah bra

what’s the hardest part of riding a scooter ?

telling you parents you are gay

Anonymous

a man died with an erection. the three nurses in the morgue saw this the first nurse climbs on and rides him. the second nurse dose the same the third hesitates saying “i’m on my period.” the others say its ok hes dead so she rides him to. when she’s done he sits up and all the nurses ask how hes alive he replies i’m good to go after the two jumpstarts and blood transfusion

7
WEEB

What does an imouto ride? Onii-san.

Anonymous

a boy walks in on his mother riding his father. “What are you doing?”, the boys asks his mother. “I’m jumping on daddy to make him thin”,said the mother. Don’t bother", said the boy," when you go shopping, the lady next door comes and blows him up again"

5
vincent age 11
in Forehead

you’re forehead is a 20-mile taxi ride from your eyebrows to your hairline.

4
Hitler did nothing wrong

What do a fat chick and a moped have in common?

They’re both fun to ride until your friends find out.

2
RayneLee
in Blind Person

Why did Helen Keller ride a broken roller coaster?

She didn’t see anything wrong with it

0
Lesbain next door
in Lightbulb

Q: How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Wanna go ride a bike?

Anonymous

What did the skeleton say while riding his Harley Davidson motorcycle? I’m bone to be wild!

2
Anonymous
in Pirate

Why did the pirate kids ride the short bus to school?

Because they were retarrrrrrrrrded

2
Baylee

Why couldn’t the bike stand up by itself?

Cause it was two tired

SANSationalPuns06
in Depression

I sometimes want rampage, but what good would that do? I look for a way out, but there’s not even a light shining through. The times where all is dark, are the times that I need a mark. Though people say that nobody will care, the truth is: there’s always one who’s fair. That person may not be the one you expect, but I am here with a passion to redirect. Once there was a time where I tried to end it all, because I only looked on the dark side. Truth was I wanted to be heard, to be respected, to let someone know. But that was in the past and this isn’t about my dark ride, it’s time for others to know that only a few words, can extinguish a glow.

Anonymous Cow
in Cow

A lady from the city and her traveling companion were riding the train through Vermont when she noticed some cows. “What a cute bunch of cows!” she remarked. “Not a bunch, herd”, her friend replied. “Heard of what?” “Herd of cows.” “Of course I’ve heard of cows.” “No, a cow herd.” “What do I care what a cow heard. I have no secrets to keep from a cow!”

Anonymous
in Puns

A cowboy rides into a ranch on Sunday stays three days and leaves on Friday how is this possible

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Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner." The first lady says, “2 years, 2 side-hoes.” She got an old lexus. The second lady says, “10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute.” She got a Mercedes-Benz. The third lady says, "I never had a husband." The angel says in response, “Fck me and then you can have a lambo." They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying. The first lady says, “I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse.” “How!?” The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a dck!”

2
Anonymous

My friends were really annoying me at my birthday party, so I decided to pop a balloon to spook them.

Maybe going on a hot air balloon ride wasn’t the best idea

A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark.

So in a triathlon, it would all come down to whoever can ride a bike the fastest.

Anonymous
in Girl

Three women- a blonde, a brunette and a redhead- are riding through the desert on a dune buggy. About two two hours later their vehicle dies with no gas and they’re forced to travel to their destination on foot, but they all agree to carry something with them. The brunette brings canteens of water. The redhead takes a large beach umbrella. The Blonde somehow rips off the car door. The redhead asks her, "Why did you take the whole car door?" To which the blonde replied, “So I can roll down the window in case it gets too hot.”

3
VEG

Micheal Jackson and Tonya Harding got together back in the day for a horse racing venture…Tonya says…“I’ll handle the handicapping, you go ride the 3 year olds”

0