Travel jokes
My wife is so fat! I took her to the Grand Canyon. She fell in and got stuck!
My girlfriend is so stupid, she asked me if I wanted to shower with her to save money on our water bill, while we were staying at a hotel where we didn't even have to pay the water bill.
What's up with airline food?
When your mum went to the UK and wore a yellow jacket, everyone started yelling "Taxi! Taxi!"
I traveled through time to get my dad back.
I failed because I was 1e21 years off.
cheese
Jonny went to Disney and they had sour balls. He asked the cashier for some and he pulled down his pants.
Well, a lock and a key were going on vacation, but the key said, "Help me, I'm stuck!" and then the lock said, "I think I am in lock-shary."
Did you hear about the tourist that came to New York? Good, because they were a terrorist... When they were asked why they were traveling, they just mispronounced it.
When you got on an airplane, the flight attendant asked which hairline you were flying with.
The old cookoo master on the top of Mt. Qinshan told me this when I was eating sushi:
"The first bite tastes like heaven, the second takes you there."
😳
Why did the man get on the bus to get sussy?
Jimmy asks an elevator operator what he thinks of his job.
The operator shrugs and says, "It has its ups and downs!"
Where does a pencil go to vacation? Pennsylvania.
You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.
Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.
You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"
I drove my Chevy to the levy, but the levy was... Oh, CRAP!!!
Teacher: We are going to Seville.
Girls: Omg, it's such a beautiful city. I can't wait to explore!
Boys: Ohh oh oh ohhh.
Omg thanks for 1000 likes!
It was women driving the planes for 9/11.
Three men were going for a drive through the desert. An hour later, the car breaks down. They all take something from the car to keep themselves cool as they walk to the nearest gas station a few miles back.
One guy grabs a hand-held fan. Another guy grabs the jug of water. The last guy takes the car door off. About 15 minutes into walking, the other two are giving the one guy weird looks. Finally, one of them asks why he is taking the car door. The third guy just replies that whenever he gets hot he can just roll down the window.
Scientist time travels into the year 2024.
Scientist: So, what happened with the storming of Area 51?
Pedestrian: Oh, you mean The 51 Massacre?
Jack and Rose went on a cruise to do it in the water.
Jack seldom wore a condom, and now they have a daughter.