Communism jokes
The only reason communism started was because God looked at your face.
You really can't call Stalin bad, just think about the kids that depression.
Why did Marxism never catch on in England?
Because then it would be impossible to get proper tea.
Why doesn't Karl Marx like Earl Grey Tea?
Because all proper tea is theft.
Communism jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets it.
An American is touring the Soviet Union. A Russian takes him to a school so he can see what it's like. He asks the kids if they like the Soviet Union. All of the kids say yes, they love it. All but one. That kid bursts out crying. The American asks what's wrong, and he cries, "I want to live in the Soviet Union!"
Three friends are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia.
The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed. He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.
After a while, the tired man gets frustrated and walks downstairs for a smoke. He stops in the lounge and asks the receptionist to bring tea to their room in five minutes.
The man walks back into the room, joins the table, leans towards a power outlet and speaks into it:
"Comrade major, we want some tea to room 62 please."
His friends laugh at the joke, until there is a knock on the door. The receptionist brings a teapot. His friends fall silent and pale, horrified of what they just witnessed. The party is dead, and the man goes to sleep.
After a good night's rest, the man wakes up, and notices his friends are gone. Surprised, he walks downstairs and asks the receptionist where they went.
The nervous receptionist whispers that KGB came and took them before dawn.
The man is horrified. He wonders why he was spared.
The receptionist responds:
"Well, comrade major did quite like your tea joke."
Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: The U.S. in 1919!
Old soviet joke.
"Who is your mother?" "Our great Soviet country." "Who is your father?" "Our dear comrade Stalin." "What's your greatest desire?" "Becoming an orphan."
A Russian walked into a bar... unlucky for him, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you.
In a normal country, they have lemonade. In Soviet Russia, they have Leninade: "Refresh yourself with a cold war."
Is she saying, "Watch for red flags because he's toxic," or is he socialist?
A Russian wedding should be called a Soviet Union.
"Sharing is communism."
In communist Russia there is no discrimination. White, black, African, American, British and Asian. They all go to Gulag eventually.
Communist jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets them.
What do you call a Communist sniper? -- A Marxman.
Why do orphans want to be communist?
So they would have a motherland.
In America, you work on a plantation.
In Soviet Russia, the plantation works on you!
What do Communism, Socialism, Feminism, and Fascism all have in common?
They are all disabilities.