Once there was a boat. Its friends said,
"It's time to come back." And the boat said,
"No way. I don't give into pier pressure."
Give Jokes
If you have a twin sister, do you have the same name? Only if your mom and dad give you the same name.
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
When life gives you lemons... call them yellow oranges and sell 'em for double the price!
You're so poor, if I ever broke into your house, I'd give you things.
Me: Truth or dare?
Crush: Dare.
Me: I dare you to give me your phone number.
Crush: Umm nevermind, truth.
Me: Ok, what is your phone number?
Are you a builder, because you give me an erection.
Orphans have it lucky.
When teachers threaten to call parents, the orphans say, "Try me."
When teachers give homework, orphans say, "Where?"
Teach a Scouser to fish and he can eat for a day.
Give him the rod and he will stick it in your letterbox and nick your car keys!
What do you call a giraffe giving a blow job to another giraffe?
Getting neck!
I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!
My friend has glasses, and we were talking about owls, and I told my friend to give an owl glasses. I told my friend that it'd be a spectacled owl!
A joker gives Batman a coupon for new parents. It's expired.
A boy tried to give a tree a high-five, but instead, he ended up hanging.
What's the difference between a blowjob and cough syrup?
They can both give you relief and make you gag at the same time.
"Jimmy Jimmy, Yes Papa,"
"Give away my Money, No Papa,"
"Telling Lies, OK, Ima Check my Bank Account."
Like this,
it will give you good luck. See for yourself!
Your forehead is so big that your mom stayed in the delivery room just to give birth to your head.
Q: How do you punish a blind person?
A: Give them a gun and tell them it's a hairdryer.
What did Santa give the mute, blind, quadriplegic orphan at Christmas?
Chlamydia.
