Funeral jokes

My mate caught me sniffing his disabled sister's knickers the other day. It wouldn't have been so bad, but she was wearing them at the time. It made the rest of the funeral so awkward.

I went to the orphanage and shot everyone in there. It's not like anyone will attend their funeral.

Little Johnny’s father walks into the bathroom and catches him masturbating. He says, “Son, every time you do that, you kill an innocent baby.”

The next day, his father walks into the bathroom and catches him again. Johnny says, “Bow your head, Dad. Can’t you see we’re having a funeral?”

Your hairline goes back further than when my gran died, and she was buried 6 foot under.

I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket: "Hey, wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"

I killed a homeless dude, now she's at the funeral home. 😭💔

I went to my boss's funeral and knelt down to his coffin and whispered, "Whose late now?"

Say this when you answer a spam call...

"Hi, welcome to Bob's Taco Shack and Funeral Home, where yesterday's grief is today's beef."

When I die, I’ll die in a trash can.

Corpses aren’t funny—they’re dead serious.

what do you call it when a person dies in Panera Bread?

Panera dead.

What is a group of emos called?

A funeral.

My uncle died on 9/11. Her last words were "Allahu Akbar."

I caught the flowers at a wedding--now married to a hot guy. But then I caught an STD at a funeral, I kinda nervo.........

A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months.

At the funeral, a man sees the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man looks at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."

When you die, people cry and wish you to come back.

But when you do, people scream and run away.

(Phone call) This is Frank's funeral home and grill, where yesterday's grief is today's beef. How may we help you?

What's the difference between the Queen's death and Princess Diana's death? The Queen died in peace, not pieces.

What happened after Technoblade died?

Everyone got raw pork chop.

A favorite childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather, that is until my mom took the urn away from me.