Back
Funeral

Funeral jokes

Little Johnny’s father walks into the bathroom and catches him masturbating. He says, “Son, every time you do that, you kill an innocent baby.”

The next day, his father walks into the bathroom and catches him again. Johnny says, “Bow your head, Dad. Can’t you see we’re having a funeral?”

Your hairline goes back further than when my gran died, and she was buried 6 foot under.

I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket: "Hey, wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"

I went to my boss's funeral and knelt down to his coffin and whispered, "Whose late now?"

Say this when you answer a spam call...

"Hi, welcome to Bob's Taco Shack and Funeral Home, where yesterday's grief is today's beef."

A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months.

At the funeral, a man sees the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man looks at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."

(Phone call) This is Frank's funeral home and grill, where yesterday's grief is today's beef. How may we help you?

What's the difference between the Queen's death and Princess Diana's death? The Queen died in peace, not pieces.

A favorite childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather, that is until my mom took the urn away from me.