Sister

Anonymous

Best friend: dude your sister is hot i’d Hit that

Me: already did SWEEETT HOMMEE ALABAMA

Difference

Anonymous

Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don’t have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan : he tells his friend “We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks but then when the bill comes you get down and suck on the hot-dog and it’ll look like you’re sucking on my dick so then we’ll get thrown out without paying and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again”. His friend agrees so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude’s pants, go to the bar and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, “Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!” The first guy says “Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!”

Girl

Wildcat8760

Me: (pointing up in the air) "EVERYBODY LISTEN UP THIS IS A ROBBERY" Girl: "dude, this is a library" Me: “oh” (screwing on a silencer)

Puns

Ducky Anonymous

One day a man was fixing a car, an he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, “hmm, this tastes pretty good!” So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like “dude, this can’t be healthy.” But he said “Don’t worry. I can STOP anytime.”

Cannibal

Addison

Three guys are stranded with cannibals on an island. The cannibals said “Each one of you come back with 10 pieces of fruit and shove them up your butt showing no emotion”. The first guy came back with 10 apples and by the second one he started to grunt so he was killed and eaten. The second one came back with cherries and when he went to put the 10th one in he started to laugh so he was killed and eaten. The two guys met in heaven and the first guy said" dude you were so close what happened?" The second one said" I would have made it but I saw the third guy come back with 10 pineapples!!"😝😝🤣🤣

Train

Anonymous

Chuck Norris trained dude perfect how to do it

Stool

Anonymous

How do you fit 4 gay dudes on a stool.

Flip it upside down

Guy

Anonymous

There were 15 ugly guys on a bus. The bus crashed and they all went to heaven. God took pity on them and told the ugly dudes they could have one wish. The first guy said,"I want to be handsome. " God granted his wish. The second guy said,“I want to be more handsome than the first guy.”, God granted his wish. “The third guy said " I want to be more handsome than the second guy.” God granted his wish and this continued on and on until the 15 ugly guy.The ugly guy was laughing. Really hard. “What is your wish?” God asked him. “I WANT ALL THESE GUYS UGLY AGAIN!!!” God granted his wish

Funny

GETFRCIEKEKKFA

I hate 9/11 jokes…They always crash and burn like dude its not funny?

Ball

Razor

Two balled dudes were pulling each other’s hair

Friend

Okayasu_Nijimura

Me: Cobain! Friend: No, dude, its Kobe. Me: why? Cobain didn’t miss his last shot.

Puns

im a bot

I drew a fist on a body and then i drew a guy saying to him “that dude’s a knucle-head!”

Man

YeetQueen :)

There was a boy in the gym who was in his late teens. He was sitting at the dumbells tables but he wasn’t lifting. He instead, sat up and was ripping something up. The manager then walked over to him, and asked “You’re hogging the dumbells, dude! What are you even doing?” The boy hesitated, then said “Getting ripped, wanna join me?” as he held up stacks of blank paper. The man silently sat on the table with him and grabbed some papers. “Why not?” he finally said.

Name

Anonymous

Am I the only one who gives people in the neighborhood names they don’t know they have? Like “Blue truck dude”, “Loud dog guy”, “Nice old lady with the rose bushes”, “That slut across the street”,

Guy

I f...ed your mom-

I was walking down the street when I saw this dude just viben, he was telling ever guy that walked by if his dick was bigger then theirs they have to give him 50 bucks long story short I walked away with 100 bucks that day

Bone

UNDERTALE FAN

Sans:Zzzzzzzz Papyrus:SANS WAKE UP!! Sans:What is it dude? Papyrus:A human has fallen from the surface world! Sans:And you gotta BONE to pick with 'em?? Papyrus:Grrrrr… Sans:Oh come on that was a real RIBTICKLER.

Website

J0K35

Some dude called me a tool

So later I got hammered and nailed his gf.

Guess he was right :/

credit to funnydude from laugh factory website lol

Game

Anonymous

Jace: ha ha i won dude you suck at monopoly Timmy:Let’s play another game GUNSHOT Ig i won! Jace:SCREAMS IN PAIN Timmy: What? I thought we were playing chutes and ladders!

Cool

UndertaleGamer4543

Papyrus:nyhe heh heh! I got a swim suit! And it even says cool dude! Sans:I guess now it says pool dude ;) Papyrus:SSSSSAAAAANNNNSSSS

Die

Natas

So I am an emo dude so I sit in the back of the class and I talk to no one.But one day this dude came up to me and tried to talk to me so I just ignored him.Then he got really pissed off and said “I’m gonna kill you”.I was like “Your gonna kill me just because I ignored you, is your ego that big, wow.”He left then the next day he brought his goons with him and said “now your dead” I ignored him again and he said “you will pay for this.”So the following day after school I was walking down the street back to my house then him and his goons tried to attack me, but then they died so I kept on walking.I had some rope traps set.This was the best day of my life.

This is why you never mess with emo’s.We have ropes everywhere.

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