Funeral Jokes

Mom, where are we going?

To your grandma's funeral.

Yeah, 'cause I 360 no-scoped that b*tch in the face.

When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.

So they can let me down one last time.

I put the fun in funeral.

My grandma told me I was next at my brother's wedding, so I told her she was next at her husband's funeral.

I'm gonna eat a hell of a lot of popcorn kernels before I die just to make the cremation a little more interesting.

Grandma: When we go to a wedding, whispers, "You're next."

At a funeral, I whisper, "You're next."

You were sad because your grandmother died.

The next day, you were washing your face, and you realize sadness made your face BLUE.

Why do we call them dead bodies? Nobody says "alive bodies!" Like you walk into your workplace, "OMFG IT'S FULL OF BODIES! Alive ones, though." You wouldn't give birth and say, "Come on, husband, help me with the bodies." If it's a surprise party, you wouldn't say, "QUICK, HIDE THE BODIES!" And the person who the party was for wouldn't say "OH MY GOD WHY ARE THEY DEAD!"

Some people are such treasures that you sometimes just wanna bury them.

At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.

You can't spell "Funeral" without "fun."

Why did no one turn up to John's funeral?

Because Sally wrote the invitations!

I told a joke at a funeral, but no one laughed. One mf was ded though💀.

I wanted to do something nice for my uncle, so I cleaned out the nice vase that was given at grandma's funeral. It had so much sand, I'm glad to help.

My father, who flew the plane, couldn't have a funeral, he went everywhere.

I was at a funeral and made a joke. No one laughed, but someone died.

My mate caught me sniffing his disabled sister's knickers the other day. It wouldn't have been so bad, but she was wearing them at the time. It made the rest of the funeral so awkward.

I went to the orphanage and shot everyone in there. It's not like anyone will attend their funeral.

Little Johnny’s father walks into the bathroom and catches him masturbating. He says, “Son, every time you do that, you kill an innocent baby.”

The next day, his father walks into the bathroom and catches him again. Johnny says, “Bow your head, Dad. Can’t you see we’re having a funeral?”

Your hairline goes back further than when my gran died, and she was buried 6 foot under.