uymom

This chess game against America and England is getting interesting, first America lost both of its towers but now England has lost its queen

A favorite childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather, that is until my mom took the urn away from me.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water. Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.

Please like this. I bet my friend 20 bucks that I would get to 15 likes before him.

What do you call a suicide bomber in a wheelchair?

An RCXD (remote control explosive).

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. -- A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

*School shooting happens.*

Foreign exchange student: *Sobbing under desk.*

American student: "First time?"

Foreign exchange student: "Yeah, you?"

American student: "Hahaha. No, not my first time."

What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedo have in common?

Are you ready kids?🤣

Why did little Billy drop his ice cream cone?

Because he got hit by a bus.

Just got an iPhone 12 for my brother, best trade I've ever made.

Me: Hey, do you want to meet my grandma?

Friend: Yeah, sure.

Me: *pulls out gun*

When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck 🛻💣

When you going 80 mph and hit a speed bump Then the speed bump starts screaming

A 14 year old girl finds out she is pregnant. Her: "Crap! My mom is going to kill me!"

The fetus: "lol same here."

Twin Towers? No Jenga!

POV: The quiet kid starts playing Pumped Up Kicks in the parking lot before school.

me😐