Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito? He gets to tear that ass up one more time
What song do you play out of emo kids funeral Van Halen’s jump
What song do you play at a emo kids funeral House of Pain jump around
Why don’t coffins have wifi?
Because they don’t want people to be so ‘connected’ while they’re trying to rest in peace.
About a month ago, I was at my best friend’s funeral and I told him bitches always come and go. He’ll looked to me kinda mad kinda confused and said that’s my mom dude
When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral what song should you never play? Alphaville - Forever Young
Imagine saying "my bad" instead of "sorry for your loss" at a funeral.
At my funeral, take the bouquet off the coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who's next.
My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says you’re next When we attend aFuneral, I say you’re next
My best friend was Was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one
Damn Really stole my friend glasses well now their blind but not really their dead.
There will be better punchlines at BlessedBrian’s FUNERAL than in his JOKES
What’s something you can say at the funeral but also in bed Damn, that really stiff
Three men are working on a building site.
Everyday, they sit down to eat their lunch together at the top of the building.
The first man opens his lunchbox to reveal a ham sandwich.
“By god,” the man exclaims, “I hate ham sandwiches. I’ve been working in construction for twenty years, and everyday, despite me telling her how much I despise it, my wife gives me a ham sandwich. If I get a ham sandwich in my lunch again, I will throw myself off the top of this building and kill myself.”
The second man opens his lunchbox, revealing a cheese sandwich.
“Holy crow, another cheese sandwich! I hate these things, I tell you. Everyday, I tell my wife how much I despise cheese sandwiches, but I still get them in my lunch. I’m with you buddy—if I ever get a cheese sandwich in my lunch again, I’m killing myself.”
The third man, having opened his lunchbox, now pipes in.
“I don’t believe it—another tuna sandwich! If I had a penny for every time I’ve told my wife how much I hate these, I wouldn’t have to work on this sordid site no more! I’m sick of it—count me in, if I get a tuna sandwich in my lunchbox again, I’m killing myself.”
The next day, the three men regroup at the top of the building and open their lunchboxes: the first man – a ham sandwich, the second – a cheese sandwich, the third – a tuna sandwich.
The three men exchange solemn looks before jumping in unison from the height of the building.
At the funeral for the three men, their grieving wives turn to each other.
“If only I’d known how much he didn’t like ham sandwiches,” says the first man’s wife, “I always thought he was being ironic!”
“And if only I’d known how much he didn’t like cheese sandwiches,” says the second man’s wife, “I always thought he was being sarcastic!”
“And if only I’d known how much he didn’t like tuna sandwiches,” says the third man’s wife, “but I don’t know what good it would have done—the fool made his own lunch!”
Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!
why do cemeterys have fences bc people are dying to be there
Why didn’t the emo attend her grandma’s funeral? She thought her grandma was trying to flex.
Did you see the dyslexic kid try to write down “funeral”? No? Shame, it was real fun
Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week? Everyone was furious but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”
Ted Bundy walks into a bar wearing all black. The bartender asks, “Whose funeral is it?” Ted Bundy looks around the room and replies, “I haven’t decided yet.”
