Funeral jokes

My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."

So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.

They say masturbation is better with a dead arm. Apparently, I ruined that funeral.

My friend was pissed off with me. I was sniffing his sister's knickers. It was worse that they were still on her. It was worse the family were there. It made the rest of her funeral really awkward.

Why are graveyards so noisy?

Because of all the coffin!

Where would you take Stephen Hawking if he dies, the funeral directors or PC World?

My grandma refused to be an organ donor. She was buried with all her musical instruments.

I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.

Will glass coffins be a success? -- Remains to be seen.