Funeral Home jokes

A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.

Say this when you answer a spam call...

"Hi, welcome to Bob's Taco Shack and Funeral Home, where yesterday's grief is today's beef."

I heard this was a really popular funeral home. People are dying to get in.

(Phone call) This is Frank's funeral home and grill, where yesterday's grief is today's beef. How may we help you?

Setting: Funeral Home

Customer: Yes, I was considering what would be the best option for cheap cremation, but I feel that's silly to ask.

Funeral Director: Oh! We do have these nice urns over here at a discounted 75 percent off.

Customer: Okay? What's the catch? That's almost 300 dollars off?

Funeral Director: I assure you these are top-of-the-line urns and will keep your loved ones' remains secure and dry.

Customer: Okay?

Funeral Director: Yep, these have only been used once, so it is absolutely worth the purchase.

By: MiniMemorials.com

Q. Who do you call when a baby with anencephaly is born? A. The funeral home.

Sometime ago I went to the morgue and asked if they took walk-ins.

I killed a homeless dude, now she's at the funeral home. 😭💔

I hate these double standards.

If you burn a body at a crematorium you're "doing a good job". If you do it at home you're "destroying evidence".

When I die, can someone play "Best Day Ever" during my funeral?

I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.

Cremation,

The last chance for a smoking hot body.

Never invest in funerals. It's a dying industry.