Funeral Home jokes

Setting: Funeral Home

Customer: Yes, I was considering what would be the best option for cheap cremation, but I feel that's silly to ask.

Funeral Director: Oh! We do have these nice urns over here at a discounted 75 percent off.

Customer: Okay? What's the catch? That's almost 300 dollars off?

Funeral Director: I assure you these are top-of-the-line urns and will keep your loved ones' remains secure and dry.

Customer: Okay?

Funeral Director: Yep, these have only been used once, so it is absolutely worth the purchase.

By: MiniMemorials.com

Say this when you answer a spam call...

"Hi, welcome to Bob's Taco Shack and Funeral Home, where yesterday's grief is today's beef."

I heard this was a really popular funeral home. People are dying to get in.

Sometime ago I went to the morgue and asked if they took walk-ins.

(Phone call) This is Frank's funeral home and grill, where yesterday's grief is today's beef. How may we help you?

Q. Who do you call when a baby with anencephaly is born? A. The funeral home.

I killed a homeless dude, now she's at the funeral home. 😭💔

A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.

You don't want to know why it takes so long to put a dead woman in a mass-produced coffin in a pre-buried grave dug by machinery that is then filled by mourners.

So I went to my friend's funeral today. As we were all leaving, a kid put a "get well soon" card next to my friend's grave. 'Poor kid'.