Bucket Jokes

Anonymous
in Ball

At baseball practice… Hey John did you bring the bucket of balls? No but I got two right here

Prowl

Titanic: “And I’m nominating everyone on board for the Ice Bucket challenge!”

John Doe
in Puns

I still remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”

5
Anonymous

I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them

Yourmom.com
in Disease

You wanna know who didn’t kick the bucket? Stephen Hawking didn’t; nor did he bite the dust.

Democravid McNosettehall

I was both shocked and amazed to hear Stephen Hawking kicked the bucket.

0

Three boys are playing on a slide when a genie appeared.

The genie says “what ever you shout when you go down the slide, I will grant you a bucket full of.”

The first boy goes down the slide shouting “diamonds!”, and he gets a bucket of diamonds.

The second boy goes down the slide and shouts “gold!”, and gets a bucket of gold.

The third boy, who never listens or pays attention, goes down the slide and shouts “weeeeeeee!”.

frostybailey
in Baby

How do you fit a hundred babies into a small bucket?

With a blender

ANoNyMoUs
in Yo mama

Yo mama so fat that when the cashier at KFC asked her what size bucket she wants, she said the one on the roof.

in Insult

You should should go back into the abortion bucket maybe you’ll find half a brain in there.

Anonymous
in Undertale

I still remember the last thing gaster said before he kicked the bucket, it was “Hey how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”(sans)

Anonymous
in Depression

Okay not a depression joke but… what’s worse then 10 babyies in 1 bucket?

1 baby in 10 buckets

Josh Hope

I just got my doctor’s test results and I’m really upset about it. Turns out, I’m not gonna be a doctor. My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don’t even care. Today, I asked my phone “Siri, why am I still single?” and it activated the front camera. A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!” As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice. I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden. The doctor gave me some cream for my skin rash. He said I was a sight for psoriasis. Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions. I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere. Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs. A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can’t cut me down,” the tree exclaims, “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.” My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her. What does my dad have in common with Nemo? They both can’t be found. I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors. When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug. His last wish was to be Frank in Stein. Do you know the phrase “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure”? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted. My husband left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.” I’m not sure what he’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine! Why did the man miss the funeral? He wasn’t a mourning person. It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive. Want to know how you make any salad into a Caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times. When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life. My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back. A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, “Do you have any last requests?” “Yes,” replies the murderer. “Can you please hold my hand?” I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy. The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved. You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo. Where did Joe go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere. What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support. My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my sister. What did the Titanic say as it sank? I’m nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenge! Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens? When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, “Bach, Bach, Bach.” How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry. I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was 5. They laughed at my crayon drawing. I laughed at their chalk outline. My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow. I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work. The most corrupt CEOs are the ones who run pretzel companies. They’re always so twisted. To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state. I was reading a great book about an immortal cat the other day. It was impossible to put down. You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example. I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I now live in constant fear. What’s the difference between a hipster and a football player? A football player showers. I made a website for orphans. It doesn’t have a home page. The other day, my girlfriend asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me. Why can’t Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school? Because he’s dead.

Jacksons3rdleg

Whats the best way to find the twin towers

BUCKET

Anonymous

wat did the captin of the titanic do before the titanic sunk … he nominate everyone for the ice bucket awords

sofia t
in Stupid jokes

what is red and shaped like a bucket

a red bucket

Titanic: And I’m nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenge!

Anonymous
in Yo mama

yo mama so fat that when she went to KFC she asked for the bucket on the roof

FoREVER & A FooT

Q. How do you get 50 babies in a bucket??? A. With a blender!!!.. Q.How do you take them out??? A. With Doritos!!!