Food jokes
How do you make any salad into a Caesar salad? You stab it 23 times.
If there is a hair, the meat is ruined.
What did the squash say to the tomato?
Ketchup!
If olive oil is made of olives, then baby oil is made of...
You scream, I scream, we all scream for ice cream!
I put peanut butter on my asshole so the dog would lick it, but instead I got bit by ants.
What kind of cheese protects castles?
MOAT-zerrela.
How do emos like their meat cooked?
Medium rawr.
What do you call a rapper who LOVES to cook?
Lil' Spice
There's a truck full of babies. What's worse than that? One baby being alive. What's worse than that? That baby having to eat its way out. What's worse than that? That same baby coming back from seconds.
What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
Lean meat.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
How does a cannibal like his meat?
Human.
What do you get when you throw a pile of dead babies into a fryer?
Kentucky Fried Children!
What's it called when you eat those same babies?
Finger Lickin' Good!
Why does sour cream have an expiration date?
What do you call a cow that fell up the stairs?
Ground beef.
Me: *opens a bag of hot Cheetos in class*
All my friends: Hey bro, can I have some?
People I don't know: Please lemme have some. PLEASE, I'll be your best friend!
People I say no to: (⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)
Hey, I got some Domino's pizza, salad, breadsticks, and chicken wings for everyone. Yeah, but make sure Ms. Mandingo gorilla don't eat all up, because if she do, I'm going have to shove it up her fur.
There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."
Why did the plum put sugar under its pillow? So it could have sweet dreams.