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So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was “Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!”

I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said “Come on I was gonna eat that later! Now it’s just gonna taste like carrots!”

The lunch lady gave me only one carrot. I didn’t carrort-all.

Why did the carrot roll down the hill? Because he couldn’t stop his wheelchair

I will tell you a story. There was a fruit named Pear who was named Dyck. He one day met his friend Carrot, who was later killed after being stuck into some girls v...... Pear then became very sadistic and no one loved him and he became mentally fruit-pressed. One day he met a Banana named Harvey Weinstein and they got married and had children who were all named minion. Eventually the rest of his family died and pear was left slowly rotting away. His last words were “I have finally ‘peared’ the consequences of all my actions.”

What was the incontinent farmer’s greatest problem? He managed his carrot patch but couldn’t control his peas!!!

What is orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.

When you mix a wizard, a rabbit, and a songwriter together, you get 24 carrot magic.

What is a carrots favourite shop?

The wheelchair store