Carrot jokes
Why do bunnies like Bruno Mars? Because he got 24 carrots.
Why did the vegetable go to jail?
He kaled a man and stole a 9-carat gold bar.
So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was "Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!"
So, Johnny was working at a deli. A woman walks up and asks, "Do you have any salad?" Johnny says, "No." She asks, "What about carrots?" Again, Johnny says, "No." She says, "What about bananas?" Johnny says, "Tell ya what, spell out 'lad' in salad." She spells, "L A D." Johnny replies, "Spell 'rot' in carrot." She spells, "R O T." Johnny says, "Now spell 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." She says, "There is no 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." Johnny exclaims, "That's what I've been trying to tell you!"
What's the difference between a child and a carrot? About 140 calories.
People say that biting off your finger would be as easy as biting a carrot if your brain didn't try to stop you. How the f do people know that and how many people's fingers did they bite off before coming to that conclusion?
Why did the carrot roll down the hill?
Because he couldn't stop his wheelchair.
My sister said the onion is the only vegetable that can make you cry...
So I threw a carrot at her.
Man goes to the doctor. He has a banana sticking out of one ear, a carrot sticking out of the other ear, and a green bean sticking out of one nostril.
"Doctor, I'm not feeling well," the man complains.
"Well, it's no wonder," the doctor replies. "You're not eating right!"
What’s the hardest part of a vegetable?
The wheel.
What does a rich person eat? 24 karats/carrots!
Why was the snowman looking through a bag of carrots?
He was picking his nose.
The lunch lady gave me only one carrot. I didn't carrot all.
What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
Q: What's 1+1? 2+2? 4+4? 8+8? Name a vegetable.
A: Carrot 🥕
Pickled carrots.
Reverend Mother walks into the convent and announces:
"Sisters, our carrots have been delivered!"
Nuns exclaim: "Hurray! Carrots!"
Reverend Mother: "They are grated carrots, though."
Nuns: "Ugh! No, thank you then..."
Why couldn't the carrot go to his friend's house?
Because he was grounded.
Why aren't dogs known as carrots? Because they aren't.
What would you name your pet rabbit?
Harry.