Food jokes
You say this to your friend, "Damn, your nuts are bigger than mine!" *thinks the wrong way*.
Friend: I must order more nuts.
You're so much like a marshmallow, you're so squishy and sticky, and everyone puts their sticks inside of you.
Every culture has weird food.
Australians eat vegemite. The British eat haggis. The French eat snails. The Chinese eat dogs. The Americans eat their young siblings' private parts.
What kind of flower do orphans use? Self-raising.
Q: What do you call a gay cowboy?
A: A jolly rancher.
Son: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Dad: Don't know, why?
Son: Because they taste funny.
Say this when you answer a spam call...
"Hi, welcome to Bob's Taco Shack and Funeral Home, where yesterday's grief is today's beef."
Welcome to Arby's, where your babies become our gravy!
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef.
Why did the rapper open a bakery?
To make some DOUGH on the side.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.
*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."
Person 2: "Probably Bullets."
Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"
Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."
Person 1: "...."
Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."
what kind of shoes are made of banana peels? slippers.
What do you call two Mexicans at a country restaurant? "Two beaners in a cracker house."
You're so fat that when you got to McDonald's, they had to call Wendy's for backup.
What do you call a pig who knows karate?
A pork chop.
Do you guys know what KFC stands for? It stands for kidnapping foster children.
Want to hear a joke about milk? No, it's too cheesy.
Why does the ice cream have so many friends?
Because he’s cool.
Yo mama so skinny, she choked on a SINGLE STRAND OF SPAGHETTI!