Food jokes
What is an angel's favorite kind of tortilla chip dip?
GuacaHOLY!
What do cannibals call a person that is running?
Fast food.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground meat.
Parents are like food—not all kids get them.
Eat cockroaches.
What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!
Why do orphans eat cereal without milk?
Because their dad never came home from the store.
I went down to my fridge to grab my dinner. I said to the children, "Who's next?"
What flour do orphans use whilst making cakes? Self-raising.
I eat cockroaches.
I love eggs!
Shorts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin. When it's sniff, stick it in. It goes in dry and comes out wet, And the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag.
It's not what you think it is. It's a Lipton tea bag.
Get your mind together!
I went to McDonald's and I saw a line of fat people because they were selling free hamburgers.
Why did the orphan start crying?
Because his apple found a home in his stomach.
Johnny, Johnny. Yes, Papa? Eating dick? Yes, Papa.
Why do melons always have big weddings?
Because they cantaloupe!
The only difference between apples and orphans is apples actually get picked.
How do you know when your vegetables are completely cooked?
The wheelchair rises to the top.
Why can't you eat cereal?
Because your dad never came back from getting the milk!
BFF: Dude, come over to my house right now!
Me: What? No way, it's 2:58 AM.
BFF: But I just found my brother's secret stash of Oreos!
Me: I'll be over in 5 minutes.