Steak Jokes


Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.


in Bar

a man walks into a bar, and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. when he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says "If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone's drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try?" the man decided not to take the risk. he thought the steaks where too high.




Just before Lockdown began, a woman took her 15 yr old son Tom, and 14, 16 and 18 yr old daughters Sally, Mary, and Annie and went to the family cabin in the mountains to wait it out, while her husband stayed in town as an essential worker.

The weekly family zoom call went well enough…until the 8th week when the father noticed the 14 year old was looking a little…plump. By the 20th week the 16 year old’s shirt was starting to pull taut over her tummy, by the 25th the curve of the 18 yr old’s belly was rising over the edge of the table her laptop was perched on, and by the 30th week his wife and all 3 girls were very obviously 6 months pregnant, and the poor 14 year old was so huge she was obviously having triplets.

So the father waited until he’d talked to his son and daughters, and asked if he could talk to his wife alone.

“Look, I know you and the girls are all pregnant. I’m not mad, I just want to know how it happened. We don’t have any neighbors up at the cabin, did you break quarantine and invite some hikers in, or go into town for supplies?”

She started crying. "No, Tommy's the father! I'm so sorry, I never meant for it to happen, but it's been so lonely here without you....I walked in on him jerking off and just couldn't help myself! And Annie's been missing her boyfriend at college, and just sort of got out of hand."

"It's okay sweetheart, I forgive you. You've been isolated for months, up there."

She wiped her tears away. "I can't believe how understanding you're being about this. When we get home I'm making you the best steak and lobster you ever had! I know you aren't eating well, I was looking at the bills on Amazon Prime and saw you ordered a 45 pound pail of peanut butter!"

He looked down under the camera line, under his desk. He wasn't wearing pants and the family dog was still licking his dick. "These things happen."


in Puns

My kitchen was rearranged today. The tables have turned and the steaks are higher.



What do you call a united cow? a united steaks 🤣🤣🤣


Chef: “How did you enjoy your steak, sir?” Customer: “I asked for it medium rare, but it’s well done!” Chef: “Why thank you.” Customer: “You don’t understand, the steak is well done!” Chef: “Of course it is, I made it.”


"Waiter, my steak is too skinny." "It's a strip steak, sir." "At these prices, it should not only strip, but sing and dance too!"



What do you call a cow grazing a field with 50% grass and 50% weed?

High steaks gambling.



in Pluto

What did Pluto say to Saturn while barbecuing steaks? Mine is meat-eor than yours



I am mis-steak.

Kill me

in Cow

What do you call an idiotic cow

A mis-steak!


Son: What's for dinner tonight? Mon: Steak! Son: Mom you know I only eat veggies, so what's for me? Mim: HUNGER!


Waitress: What can I get for you?

Me: I'll have a steak.

Waitress: How would you like it?

Me: Immediately!



MU i love your joke but i cut me a piece of cake, pie, steak, cheeze cake, and any thing else i can find.


Just watched my friend take a steak out of her pocket. That steak was so outta pocket.


in Roast

You look like a cow went through puberty, put the milk before the cereal, THEN ate it with a fork with a little sprinkle of steak.


in Country

What do u call a united cow? United Steaks


in Orphan

An Orphan is at a barbeque and is getting food, A man asks him if he wants steak or phan I ment ham.