Neighbor Jokes

Tenya Bailey
in Love

Father : “That’s great son. Who is she?”

Son: “It’s Tina, the neighbor’s daughter”.

Father : “Ohhh I wish you hadn’t said that.I have to tell u something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother.Tina is actually your sister.”

The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later

Son : “Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!”

Father : “That’s great son. Who is she?”

Son: “It’s Peny, the other neighbor’s daughter.”

Father : “Ohhhh I wish you hadn’t said that. Peny is also your sister.”

This went on couple of times and the son was so mad,he went straight to his mother crying.

Son : “Mum I am so mad at dad ! I fell in love with six girls but I can’t date any of them because daddy is their father!”

The mother hugs him affectionately and says:

“My love, you can date whoever you want. Don’t listen to him. He is not your Father.”!!!

aye
in Baseball

It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. ‘No,’ says the neighbor. ‘The seat is empty.’ ‘This is incredible,’ said the man. ‘Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?’ The neighbor says, ‘Well actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.’ ‘Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible….But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?’ The man shakes his head. ‘No,’ he says. ‘They’re all at the funeral.’

no name

Police: Where do u live Me: With my parents Police: Where your parents live Me: With me Police: Where do you all live Me: Together Police: where is your house Me: Next to my neighbor Police: Where is your neighbor’s house Me: If I tell you, you won’t believe me Police: Tell me Me: Next to my house

4
Madison R.
in Blonde

Police: Where Do You Live? Blonde: With My Parents Police: Where Does Your Parents Live? Blonde: With Me Police: Where Do You All Live? Blonde: Together Police: Where Is Your House? Blonde: Next To My Neighbors House Police: Where Is Your Neighbors House? Blonde: If I Tell You, You Won’t Believe Me. Police: Tell Me. Blonde: Next To My House.

Funny Joke

A husband got a message from his neighbor one day. It read “Hey im sorry i had to tell you like this but i have been doing your wife for months now” The husband went to go grab his gun and shot his wife. He hid the evidence and a few hours later he got another message from his neighbor saying “Sorry meant using your wifi”

7
I_Is_Cow

I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

Depressed Onion
in Depression

The bible says to love your neighbors as you love yourself. So I treat everyone like garbage

Anonymous

How do you get my neighbor out of their tree? You untie the rope.

0
Xzavier
in Little Johnny

Little Johnny’s mom is taking a shower little Johnny walks in and asks what is that in between your legs mommy says that is my keyhole the next day little Johnny sees his dad taking a shower and little Johnny asks what is that in between your legs daddy says that is my key the next day little Johnny says to his dad looks like the neighbor has the key to mommy’s keyhole too.

By:Xzavier

Anonymous

Little Natalie was playing with matches. Her mother caught her, took them, whupped her and told her never to play with matches again. A few minutes later, Little Natalie was playing with matches again. The curtains caught fire and the house burned down. Another few minutes later, when she and her mother were sitting at their neighbors, her mother told her: If you think I gave you a whupping, wait till your father gets home! Little Natalie just cackled with delight, because she knew her father had gotten home earlier and gone upstairs to take a nap.

That one dude

That one awkward moment you have to go ask your Chinese neighbor if they’ve seen your dog.

smartass

Father and mother are making love in the bedroom. Mother is on top of father. Suddenly the son enters the bedroom. Everyone is embarrassed, of course.

The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says, “I’ll tell you about what you saw yesterday, you know Dad has a big belly and that’s why mom sometimes sits on top of that belly to push it flat.” . Says that little boy: “But mama, that does not make any difference.” “Oh no?” the mom asks. “No,” says the little boy, “When you go to work, the neighbor comes, and she puts herself on her knees for Dad, and sheblows his belly up again!”

Anonymous

Why is the lesbian lifestyle so expensive? – They’re always eating out.

… and they buy Rolexes for their neighbors, because they wanna watch.

0
Anonymous
in Dirtiness

You want to hear a dirty joke? Jonny played in the mud. You want to hear a clean joke? Jonny took a bath with bubbles. You want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was the next door neighbor.

Instagram @yfn_unkn0wn

A penis has a sad life. His hair is a mess. His family is nuts. His neighbor is an asshole. His best friend is a pussy. And his owner beats him.

Anonymous

Kid:what is between moms legs? Dad:paridise. Kid whats between you legs? Dad:the key to paridise. Kid:well uou better change the lock the neighbor has the key to.

4
Cow Like You
in Animal

A farmer walks up to his farmer neighbor with a jug of milk. the farmer says “I milked your cow”. the neighbor replies “i have a bull not a cow”

5
Funny Joke Boy

I ran over neighbors cat last night and I just want to say… THAT THING WAS FAST! I had run a red light to get it!

0
ILOVEYOMAMA
in Baby

A woman walks onto the Bus with his child. The driver says, "That’s the ugliest child I have seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, “Go say something back. Here, I’ll hold your monkey for you!”

random person

A Chinese moves to the USA after 50 years of living in Shanghai.

He bought a home on a small piece of land.

The friendly American neighbor decides to go across and welcome the new guy.

He goes next door but on his way up the drive-way he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard, chasing about 10 hens.

Not wanting to interrupt these ‘Chinese customs’, he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day.

Next day he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees him urinate into a glass and then drink it.

Not wanting to interrupt another ‘Chinese custom’, he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day.

A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the neighbour leading a bull down the drive way and then put his left ear next to the bull’s butt.

The American dude can’t handle this, so he goes up to the Chinese man and says, “Jeez man, what the hell is it with your Chinese customs? I come over to welcome you to the neighborhood and see you running around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass and drinking it and then today you have your head so close to that bull’s butt, it could just about shit on you.”

The Chinese man is very taken back and says, “Sorry sir, you no understand, these no Chinese customs I am doing, these are American Customs.”

‘What do you mean’ says the neighbor, “Those aren’t American customs.”

“Yes they are, man at travel agent tell me” replied the Chinese man. “He say to become true American, I must learn to chase chicks get piss drunk and listen to bull-shit!”

2