Fives jokes

New BBC Geordie police drama set in Honolulu.

Haway Five O.

Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves.

Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.

Don't ever try to give an emo kid a high five. They'll just leave you hanging.

A guy went back to his apartment. Five minutes later, he said to the receptionist, "It doesn't fit!" So she gave him a new key.

Stephen Hawking talks by clicks. Two clicks is "hi," and five is "dab me up."

If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d still only have five cents.

My friend tried high-fiving me; I left him hanging.

A toaster and a slice of whole wheat bread sit together in the sauna.

After five minutes, the bread starts to sweat extremely and says: "Oh, I think I'm going to be a toast in here!"

The toaster just looks at it bored from the side and replies: "Don't get upset. I'm just here to really switch off."

An innocent boy is reading through his father’s phone, looking at the messages and trying to learn things about his family from them. He saw a message asking for something which seemed strange, but ultimately the boy decided to surprise his father with what it said.

“Timmy, why are there thirty-five cats in the living room?” shouted the father.

“I was only supplying what you wanted from Mother!” replied the boy.

Don't say you want to eat out a five-year-old's pussy, because I have already shoved a glass dildo in her tight ass pussy, UwU.

Say "urine egger" five times fast.

Why can’t you high five a Japanese person?

Because Logan Paul left him hanging.

When the school shooter kills five people, and the autistic kid yells, "Heroes never die!"

My daughter came home from school later than usual. I was panicking, then at 5:30 p.m. she arrived, not walking but in a bus 🚌. I asked, "Where the hell did this bus come from?" She said, "The garage in the alleyway, Mama. I bought it for five gummies and eight buttons. You like her? She is called Belle Bus." My face was just: 😑 How did you get the bus here? She replies with a whisper, "I drove her through five gardens, a house, and two police cars!" 🙃 So that explains why you have handcuffs on. "Yeah!"

I dated a girl, and I didn’t know she was previously in an abusive relationship.

I thought she just REALLY hated high-fives.

Isn't having depersonalization mean that you like the animatronics off of FNAF/Five Nights at Freddy's?

(If you don't know what depersonalization is, look it up.)

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have five fingers, The third one's for you.

What’s the best part of stage four cancer?

A: There’s no stage five.

Five people went to a store and asked for a menu. The waitress said, "I will be right back."

What does a ginger do when they want to high five a friend? They clap.