Fives jokes
I am Thor.
And next year, I will be five.
A black boy walks into the kitchen where his mother is baking and accidentally pulls the flour over onto his head. He turns to his mother and says, “Look Mama, I’m a white boy!” His mother smacks him and says, “Go tell your Daddy what you just said!” The boy finds his father and says, “Look Daddy, I’m a white boy!” His Daddy bends him over, spanks him, stands the boy back up, and says, “Now, what do you have to say for yourself?” The boy replies, “I’ve only been a white boy for five minutes and I already hate you black people!”
My joke: You have to guess, answers come at 3:00. Why did the cow jump into space?
Hint... it smelled its favorite food 🍱 and saw its future!
That hint was technically the whole answer. Can you guess in 3 hours? Lol, I will be posting every time, and my giveaway starts at 5:00: my mega fly ride bat dragon 🐉 and five jungle eggs.
I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.
He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.
So there was this kid being bullied by four other kids. I decided to step in. He didn’t stand a chance against the five of us.
Why do emo kids hate high fives?
They’re always left hanging.
Yo mama so dumb, when Fox Five said it's chilly outside, she brought a bowlllllll!
Your hairline was playing Sorry!
Pulled the wrong card and moved back five spaces.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
More than five because my basement is still dark.
How do rappers greet each other?
With a high five and a mic drop!
Five (DYM 123).
Two priests are in a bar. One says to the other priest, "I'll swap you two fives for a ten."
Yo mama so ugly when she played Five Nights at Freddy's, they thought that she was already in an animatronic costume.
Question: What happened to the depressed kid who tried to high five a tree?
Answer: He was left hanging.
There are five cows on a farm, one mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mommy cow replies, "Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born." The next calf comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?" The mother replies, "Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born." The third baby comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Daisy?" The momma cow again replieds, "Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, "Huh Ruh Buh Duh!" The momma cow says, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"
What animal has five legs? A pitbull returning from a playground.
New BBC Geordie police drama set in Honolulu.
Haway Five O.
The plane crashed. There are 5 seats in Bordeaux and usually 4 parachute seats.
The first song goes: "I am Cristiano Ronaldo, the best player in the world, so fly with the first helmet."
One of Ivanka Trump's former supporters said: "I was the US President's teacher." And take an umbrella and fly.
Former US Secretary of State Donald Trump said: "I am the President of the United States. I am the president of the United States of America, not responsible to the people. Design our package and jump."
"I'm glad," said the next passenger, Popstag, as he approached. Then the boy explained: "I still can't see anyone's problem. The President of the United States is in my bag..."
What do five dicks sticking out of glory holes and five udders both have in common? They are ready for milking.
"Chris, I just saw five fat people, and you are one of them."