Menu jokes
A dolphin swims into a bar and looks at the menu. He calls the bartender and orders a pint of ginger-whale.
Man asking waitress, "Pardon me, miss, may I ask you about the menu, please?"
Waitress, "It's none of your business about the men I please!"
A blind man went to a restaurant.
"Menu sir?" asked the owner. "I'm blind, just bring me one of your dirty forks, I will smell it and order." The confused owner went to the kitchen to retrieve a fork and returned to the blind man.
The blind man smelled the fork with a deep breath, "Yes I will have the lamb with seasoned potatoes and spring vegetables." Unbelievable, thought the owner. The blind man ate and left. Two weeks later the blind man returned. The owner, wanting to know how good his smell is, quickly went to the kitchen where his wife Brenda was cooking and said, "Do me a favor and rub this fork over your private part" which she did. He then goes to the blind man and gives him the fork. The blind man takes it and puts it to his nose and says, "Oh interesting! I never knew Brenda works here!"
Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."
A couple enters a Chinese restaurant and takes their seats.
The waiter asks, "想吃什么 (Xiang Chi Shen Ma)?"
The wife responds, "吃鸡巴 (Chi Ji Ba)!"
After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,
Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"
A priest walks into a bar, immediately orders the kids' menu.
How do rappers like their pizza?
With extra bars and dough!
Why aren't there any stray cats in Chinatown?
There are, but they're just listed as "pork" on the menus.
What did the Twin Towers order for dinner?
Two large planes.
Why can't orphans eat at a family restaurant?
Because there is no family.
Why did the duck not enjoy his restaurant date? Because he didn't want to see the bill.
Welcome to Morgan's Morgue and Pizzeria where yesterday's loss is today's sauce!
Where does the keyboard go to dinner? The space bar.
Did you hear about the new Chinese food?
It is called: “Wuhan Fried Bats”!
I love going to Hooters and looking at the menu... If you know what I mean;)
Did you hear about the new Oasis restaurant?
Every time you order soup, you got a roll with it.
Buy KFC or else.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because KFC was offering free seeds.
Thomas Bulgin loves McDonald's dollars, A man of simple tastes, he hollers, With every visit, his heart does flutter, For golden arches, a fast food lover.
Those crispy fries, so perfectly fried, And burgers stacked, oh so high, The smell of grease, it fills the air, Thomas Bulgin, he'll always be there.
A dollar menu, his saving grace, A feast for him, a smile on his face, He counts his coins, with eager eyes, To savor each bite, a little prize.
In this world of fast-paced lives, Thomas Bulgin, he surely thrives, For in those golden arches, he finds, A moment of joy, that forever binds.
He cares not for gourmet cuisine, Nor fancy plates, fit for a queen, For in his heart, a simple truth, McDonald's dollars, his fountain of youth.
So let him eat, and let him feast, Thomas Bulgin, the fast food beast, For in those golden arches, he's found, A taste of happiness, unbound.