Fives jokes

House for sale: five minutes from the beach or eight seconds if you fall.

Why do you always high five the emo person? 'Cause you can't just leave them hanging.

The emo kid tried to give the tree a high five. Unfortunately, the tree left him hanging...

Why did Dairy Queen and Burger King get arrested for copyright infringement? Because they gave birth to Five Guys.

You don't have a forehead, you have a fivehead.

You don't have dreams, you have movies.

What's worse than finding one dead baby in a bin? Finding one dead baby in five bins.

One dollar bill is with a five dollar bill. The five says, "I make more cents than you."

Did you know that Jeffrey Dahmer was the first person to try Five Guys?

What is Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite restaurant?

Five Guys.

Jeffrey Dahmer was craving Five Guys before it became a restaurant!

My joke: You have to guess, answers come at 3:00. Why did the cow jump into space?

Hint... it smelled its favorite food 🍱 and saw its future!

That hint was technically the whole answer. Can you guess in 3 hours? Lol, I will be posting every time, and my giveaway starts at 5:00: my mega fly ride bat dragon 🐉 and five jungle eggs.

The emo kid went for a high five. People say he's still hanging.

Every woman will die in five seconds.

Mother: Dies.

Sister: Dies.

Girlfriend: Lives.

You: 🤬

What comes next in the pattern, ottffs?

S, because it represents numbers going up: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

My sister is the weird dark one and emo of the family. I'm the bright happy one. Once in 3rd grade, I got a huge A on mine, and my sis got a D-.

In the playground near a tree, we were sitting and playing. I said, "Hey, a C- is not that bad," and raised my hand up to give her a high five, but she left me hanging.

If it is called a forehead, what happened to the five-head, six-head, and seven-head?

This man came up to me and asked if I could sell my house to him, and I said sure. Then five days later, he said that the loan should come in the mailbox. Then I checked the mailbox, and the only thing I saw was nothing, so I told the guy, "DEEZ NUTS IN YOUR MOUTH!"

Three friends are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia.

The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed. He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.

After a while, the tired man gets frustrated and walks downstairs for a smoke. He stops in the lounge and asks the receptionist to bring tea to their room in five minutes.

The man walks back into the room, joins the table, leans towards a power outlet and speaks into it:

"Comrade major, we want some tea to room 62 please."

His friends laugh at the joke, until there is a knock on the door. The receptionist brings a teapot. His friends fall silent and pale, horrified of what they just witnessed. The party is dead, and the man goes to sleep.

After a good night's rest, the man wakes up, and notices his friends are gone. Surprised, he walks downstairs and asks the receptionist where they went.

The nervous receptionist whispers that KGB came and took them before dawn.

The man is horrified. He wonders why he was spared.

The receptionist responds:

"Well, comrade major did quite like your tea joke."

What's the difference between a five-year-old and a Democrat?

The five-year-old doesn't expect you to do everything for them.

(Vote for Ted Cruz, Ben Shapiro 2020)

What did the guy with two hands say to the guy with one hand?

"Hi-five!"