Fives jokes
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed, One fell off and bumped his head. The momma called the doctor and the doctor said... “We’re calling Child Protective Services.”
Why do emo kids hate high fives?
They’re always left hanging.
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet.
One day, the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet with her son.
Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Yes it is," the man replies.
"You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks.
"No thanks," the man replies.
"I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues.
"OK. How much?" the man replies, after considering the position he was in.
"Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies.
"TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats. "That's awful expensive," but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price.
The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway, and again places her lover in the closet with her little boy.
"It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts off.
"Yes it is," replies the man.
"Wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks.
"OK. How much?" the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage.
"Fifty dollars," the boy replies, and the transaction is completed.
The next weekend, the little boy's father says, "Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we'll play some catch."
"I can't. I sold them," replies the little boy.
"How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy.
"Seventy-five dollars," the little boy says.
"SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness," the father explains as he hauls the child away.
At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Don't you start that crap in here," the priest says.
How do rappers greet each other?
With a high five and a mic drop!
Why is it bad to high five an emo?
They will leave themselves hanging.
What is a cannibal's favorite restaurant?
Five Guys.
I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.
He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.
"Boom, quick; you have five seconds to give me three reasons to live." "1......2......3 .....4....5..." Did you notice you said nothing at all?
You go up to a bar and say, "Hi." He doesn’t look at you. You keep saying, "Hi." He says, "What?" Then you realize that he is the one that you stole his lady from, but then he doesn’t give you any drink. You say, "Why?" He screams at you and then says, "YOU'RE FIVE!"
My friend and I were walking down the street, and we saw this one disabled kid getting bullied by three other kids. Urgently, we sprinted over to help. He had no chance against the five of us.
The emo kid tried to give the tree a high five. Unfortunately, the tree left him hanging...
If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d still only have five cents.
Why didn't the Japanese guy get a high five?
Logan Paul left him hanging.
Yo mama so ugly when she played Five Nights at Freddy's, they thought that she was already in an animatronic costume.
I kinda feel sorry for Hitler.
Looking back at some old photos of him, his friends always left him hanging when he went for a high-five.
Two priests are in a bar. One says to the other priest, "I'll swap you two fives for a ten."
A toaster and a slice of whole wheat bread sit together in the sauna.
After five minutes, the bread starts to sweat extremely and says: "Oh, I think I'm going to be a toast in here!"
The toaster just looks at it bored from the side and replies: "Don't get upset. I'm just here to really switch off."
There was one kid that came home from school and asked his mom what dark humor was.
She said, "Well son, do you see that guy over there across the road? Go give him a high-five."
Son said, "But I can't see."
Mom said, "That's the point."
What's worse than five babies stapled to one tree?
One baby stapled to five trees.
So there was this kid being bullied by four other kids. I decided to step in. He didn’t stand a chance against the five of us.