I love the smell of my F5 key. – It’s very refreshing.

Kid:what is between moms legs? Dad:paridise. Kid whats between you legs? Dad:the key to paridise. Kid:well uou better change the lock the neighbor has the key to.

Why did the car key never fit in? He was too door key.

Where is the worst place to lock your keys in your car?

The anti abortion clinic because you have to go back in and ask for a coat hanger

Mary had a little lamb. Key word is had, her dad’s favorite meat is a human

tech administrator of a school: hm, a message from google security? tech administrator of a school: OH SHIT! assistant: WHAT, WHAT, TELL ME? tech administrator of a school: WEVE BEEN COMPROMISED, WE FORGOT TO SECURE THE SITE! assistant: OK, OK, THE KEY IS NOT TO PANIC… let’s call the school board


head of school board: HAHAHAHAHAHA! that’s a good one, almost as good as the one with jack, jill, and the ripped condom! HAHAHAHAHAHA tech administrator of a school: HAHAHA yeah I know right whispers you are playing it cool, right? head of school board: whispers yeah were f...ed…




What’s worse than locking your keyes in the car in front of an abortion clinic?

Having to go back inside and ask to borrow a hanger.

What’s a aliens favorite computer key?

the space bar!

The other day, I donated my car keys, $1,000, and a passport to a homeless man. You could feel the happiness come from me after he holstered his suppressed shotgun.

Where does a pianist go on vacation?

The Florida Keys.

Did you hear about the shark that ate a key shop? I think it got lockjaw after that.

Watch Key/Peele “Detective”

Person 1 - How the freak did you get in my house!?!?! I locked the door!!!

Person 2 - But I’m your mom… I have a key. You d......

what did the substrate say to the active site? cmon baby we fit together open my door lock to fkn key

Whats a pirates favourite key on the key board

Others: r

Rrrr you would think so but it be the C

I awoke in the middle of the night, to the sound of a thunderous pounding noise. The house was literally three rooms small so i could pinpoint the sound fairly easy, It was coming from Johns room, it was then i realized that Lewis and Kian were gone, it was then i noticed the huge hole in the wall which was sticky to the touch. I put my eye to hole to take a peek, it was met by a chode with ginger pubes, i recoiled instantly. I tried to make a run for it to make it downstairs i then remembered there was no downstairs. I made it to the hallway to find my escape blocked by no other than john with kian at his flank. He whispered “Its ok Oliver Hebden-Smith, your safe now” Kian proceeded to advance on my position i ducked and rolled to evade his grasp, his wart and spot covered hands brushing my skin. Kian fell over after running towards me and had an asthma attack. John was still in my way he looked almost angry now. “YOU KINKY SHIT” he bellowed. Out of nowhere i felt arms around me i turned to discover it was Mr Murphy. I broke from Mr Murphy’s grasp to make it the the front door. As i made my way to escape I ran into my worst nightmare, the door flung open and standing there in all their glory was Kians two fat lesbo neighbours. They charged at me trying to take me down. I could hear her neck snap as i drop kicked the first one. I then disposed of the blind one by triple power bombing her. With them out of the equation i dashed to the door. John was too fast and swiftly made it to the door , the locked it with key then shoved it up Lewis’s butchin. John looked pissed now. John lunges at me. Suffocating me in his vice like grip. He carried me to his room while he chanted “Your safe now”. Borthwick poked his head out and said “nice of you to join us” i said croakly “f... off borthwick look at your trim.” Borthwick then looked at the ground sadly and lonely and left Kian’s. Sadly my fate did not end the same as John chained me up in his room. While in johns room i could hear the distant screams of the children he must be keeping below, by the sounds of it they were infants. “Oh im gonna punish you boy” John said as he brushed his foreskin against my chest. He then walked away and asked me … “ye want some crisps”. He came back with 4 packets of cheese and onion and shoved each individual crisp either up my arse or down my japs eye. While i was recovering from this severe pain he continously rubbed his bellend on my nostril. He then took my off the wall and tied me to the table. He then trimmed his toenails and threw the clippings at me. I was disgusted beyond belief and had been crying for a long time. Then a last hope appeared, i got a phone call from Jimbo Simpson i answered and screamed for help. Jimbo came charging like a bull within seconds braking down the door. I gave my battle cry “Sticky to the touch” so jimbo could instantly locate me. He took down john and devoured in one bite. He threw me out the window. I had finally escaped.

One day johnae said what do you call a family outing ‘‘INCEST’’ LOW KEY jOHNAE FUKS KIRBY AND PEACH

Mary had a little lamb Key word is had, her dad’s favorite meat is a human

what is the difference between a man peering through the key hole and a woman in the bath? one is rude and nosy the other is rude and nosy