Fives jokes

Why does five plus five equal eleven?

Because it's actually six.

"Chris, I just saw five fat people, and you are one of them."

I asked this kid for a high five, but he could not reach my hand.

Top five places to find your dad's orphans is Milk Island.

Okay, okay, so one day I was on the way home, and this kid said, "Man, I could kick your butt." Five seconds later, I kicked his butt.

An innocent boy is reading through his father’s phone, looking at the messages and trying to learn things about his family from them. He saw a message asking for something which seemed strange, but ultimately the boy decided to surprise his father with what it said.

“Timmy, why are there thirty-five cats in the living room?” shouted the father.

“I was only supplying what you wanted from Mother!” replied the boy.

The FitnessGramTM Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20-meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start.

Level 1 Feel it One Two Three Four Five Six Seven; end of level one.

What do you call five black people having sex? A threesome.

Five minutes later, she agreed to get with me, so we went and rocked the minivan like, "Giggity, Giggity, Giggity!"

Girl: Can we visit Grandma this weekend?

Mother: Sure.

Five-year-old: Look mommy! Two people and they're wearing rope necklaces!

One time my boyfriend and I were playing the tickle game and I tickled him on his thighs by accident, and I said, "Oh no, I am dead."

Then he started tickling me on my thighs up to my vagina, and then I moaned while laughing and told him, "STOP, please."

Then he said, "That's what I thought," and I was like, you cheated. He was like, "You first did it."

So he went to the restroom and pulled down his pants. Then I jumped on him and pulled his dick five times, and he screamed, and I quickly ran out and laughed. Then he ran to me, and I screamed, and he started eating my pussy and fingering me while I said, "Okay, okay, stop."

And he stopped and started sucking my boobs and giving me hickeys while I said, "Please stop," and then I pushed him off, and he turned me around and put his dick in my hole, and I said, "Owwwwwwww."

Then he said, "Play with me, I'll fuck you up."

I said, "Ughh," and slapped him.

How old is uuuuuurrrr mom?

Five.

Cringe.... I know that was a crap joke... not even a joke.

You tell your dad what one plus one is and he says five. You forgot that your dad's brain is on the floor.

What would a tree do if a depressed kid tried to high five it?

I would leave them hanging.

When your wife takes 30 minutes to get ready.

Me: Takes five minutes.

Me: Hun, you done yet?

Your hairline is so far back you ain't got a fo'head, you got a five head!

An emo tried to high-five a tree. The tree left her hanging.

Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate six, five!

Why can't orphans go to a five-star hotel?

There are two doors leading to Heaven: one for henpecked husbands and one for unhenpecked husbands. The line to the door leading to Heaven for henpecked husbands was five abreast and five miles long. The line leading to the door to Heaven for unhenpecked husbands consisted of only one lonely man.

The guys from the henpecked husband line looked at the one man in the unhenpecked husband line and shout, “Hey, Charlie, why are you standing over there for?” Charlie glances over his shoulder and observes a sea of humanity of henpecked husbands as far as the eye can see and says grudgingly, “I don’t know. My wife told me to stand here.”