Fives jokes
What's the difference between a five-year-old and a Democrat?
The five-year-old doesn't expect you to do everything for them.
(Vote for Ted Cruz, Ben Shapiro 2020)
What did the guy with two hands say to the guy with one hand?
"Hi-five!"
What’s worse than five babies in a dumpster?
One baby in five dumpsters.
What's the difference between ICE and ISIS?
One of them says their prayers five times a day.
Ok, I put one penny down. Do you smell anything?
1 scent.
I put two pennies down. Do you see any fruit?
2 pears.
I put three pennies down. Do you see any law enforcement?
3 coppers.
I put four pennies down. Do you see any cars?
4 Lincolns.
I put five pennies down. Do you see any pussies?
NOT FOR 5 CENTS YOU DONT!
A French, a German, and an Italian make a race to see who resists the most in a room full of flies. The French starts, and after a quarter of an hour, comes out.
Then goes the German, who comes out after an hour. Finally, the Italian enters and comes out after five hours.
The French: "But how did you do it?"
The Italian: "I killed one."
The German: "So what?"
The Italian: "And then they were all busy for the funeral!"
I’m light as a feather, yet the strongest person can’t hold me for five minutes. What am I?
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
More than five because my basement is still dark.
How do rappers greet each other?
With a high five and a mic drop!
Yo mama so fat that the Avengers team had to snap five times and say, "Oh my God!"
What kind of tree can you High-Five?
A palm tree.
You have five seconds to kill me. 1... 2... 3... 4... Thank you. I can rest now. WAIT, HOW AM I TALKING?????????????????????
Five (DYM 123).
Yesterday I had a party.
I got questioned about five dead kids locked up in a box.
I did that when I was 13. Damn, I forgot about them!
A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.
Why is chemotherapy like a five-star meal?
Because you have to have money to pay for it.
A Roman went to the bar and he held up two fingers and said, "Can I have five drinks, please?"
Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
My friend tried high-fiving me; I left him hanging.
What do you call a person that [proudly] knows only one language? A bloody seppo.
What do you call a person that speaks five languages? A Euro waiter.