Fives jokes

What’s worse than five babies in a dumpster?

One baby in five dumpsters.

Ok, I put one penny down. Do you smell anything?

1 scent.

I put two pennies down. Do you see any fruit?

2 pears.

I put three pennies down. Do you see any law enforcement?

3 coppers.

I put four pennies down. Do you see any cars?

4 Lincolns.

I put five pennies down. Do you see any pussies?

NOT FOR 5 CENTS YOU DONT!

A French, a German, and an Italian make a race to see who resists the most in a room full of flies. The French starts, and after a quarter of an hour, comes out.

Then goes the German, who comes out after an hour. Finally, the Italian enters and comes out after five hours.

The French: "But how did you do it?"

The Italian: "I killed one."

The German: "So what?"

The Italian: "And then they were all busy for the funeral!"

I’m light as a feather, yet the strongest person can’t hold me for five minutes. What am I?

How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?

More than five because my basement is still dark.

Yo mama so fat that the Avengers team had to snap five times and say, "Oh my God!"

You have five seconds to kill me. 1... 2... 3... 4... Thank you. I can rest now. WAIT, HOW AM I TALKING?????????????????????

What kind of tree can you High-Five?

A palm tree.

Five (DYM 123).

Yesterday I had a party.

I got questioned about five dead kids locked up in a box.

I did that when I was 13. Damn, I forgot about them!

How do rappers greet each other?

With a high five and a mic drop!

A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.

New BBC Geordie police drama set in Honolulu.

Haway Five O.

Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves.

Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.

A guy went back to his apartment. Five minutes later, he said to the receptionist, "It doesn't fit!" So she gave him a new key.

Don't ever try to give an emo kid a high five. They'll just leave you hanging.

My friend tried high-fiving me; I left him hanging.

What do you call a person that [proudly] knows only one language? A bloody seppo.

What do you call a person that speaks five languages? A Euro waiter.

If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d still only have five cents.

Yo mama so ugly when she played Five Nights at Freddy's, they thought that she was already in an animatronic costume.