I was sitting with my little brother when he was about four-ish. He was starting to really like to identify objects for some reason, so he was showing me his toys. He grabbed his toy Mator truck and then pointed to the wheels, saying, “These are wheels.” I said, “Good job, yes they are.” Then he pointed to the bumper and said, “This is a bumper.” Again, I congratulated him. Then, he grabbed the toy’s wire with the hook at the end and said, “And this is a hooker.” I died laughing.
I identify as Michael Jackson, and my pronouns are he he.
99% of women kiss with their eyes closed, that's why it's so hard to identify the rapist.
How do you get away with rape and incest in California?
Say you identify as a woman. Fact: It's actually legal to rape your daughter if you are a woman in California.
I identify as kilometers per second because I want to km/s.
Poor Bubba got burnt up so bad in a house fire that the coroner needed someone to identify the body. So Bubba's two best friends (the three were inseparable) agreed. The first friend said, "Hard to tell, can you turn him over?" The coroner looked perplexed but did so. "Nope, that's not Bubba." The second friend said, "He's burnt up pretty bad, can you roll him over again?" The coroner didn't understand but rolled him over anyway. "Nope, that's not him." Pretty confused, the coroner asked, "How can you tell it's not him by rolling him over?" "Well, you see, Bubba had two assholes." "Impossible," the coroner replied. The friends said, "I don't know, but every time we went to town, everyone would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"
A limbless criminal has just been identified. Police say the suspect is armed and on the run.
How do you get away with rape? Identify as transgender. Women can never be accused of rape, obviously
90 percent of women kiss with their eyes closed, which is why it's so difficult to identify a rapist.
What's the best thing about dating a blind chick?
She can't identify you.
Top tip; if your wife asks, "What would you like to do to my body?" 'Identify it' is the wrong answer.
What do you call a crippled man? Alex keating hahahahahahahahahahahh!
How do you know all suicide bombers self-identify as being old?
They are all boomers in the end.
I sexually identify as kilometers per second.
Cuz I really wanna km/s (kill myself).
A man went hunting with his son and shot an animal.
The father asks the son to identify the animal he just shot, and the son answers: "Holy Cow!"
Father: "What do you mean, 'Holy Cow?'"
Son: "You shot a hole in the cow, of course!"
I identify as the Titanic, because I'm a wreck.
Ur hairline is like a Fortnite map at the start of a new season waiting to be identified.
You: Hey, Alexa, what is your gender?
Alexa: I identify as Michael Jackson, and my pronouns are...
Me: *hears it* And their pronouns are he/he.
How did the villagers identify the masked rapist?
He was the only one in the village who believed the victim.
I met a lovely girl at a friend's house party, so I went and introduced myself by saying I'm Noah, what's yours?
She turned around angrily and offended and said, "I identify as a hockey puck, didn't you see the sign?"
To which I replied, "Bitch, that says hickey puck. If you identify as a hockey puck, then let me hit you!"
