Fire jokes
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.
What do you call an emo kid playing with fire?
Forgot to clean little piece of dust.
I got fired from the M&M Factory because I sorted out the W's.
Poor Bubba got burnt up so bad in a house fire that the coroner needed someone to identify the body. So Bubba's two best friends (the three were inseparable) agreed. The first friend said, "Hard to tell, can you turn him over?" The coroner looked perplexed but did so. "Nope, that's not Bubba." The second friend said, "He's burnt up pretty bad, can you roll him over again?" The coroner didn't understand but rolled him over anyway. "Nope, that's not him." Pretty confused, the coroner asked, "How can you tell it's not him by rolling him over?" "Well, you see, Bubba had two assholes." "Impossible," the coroner replied. The friends said, "I don't know, but every time we went to town, everyone would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"
What do you call it when you light a person in a wheelchair on fire?
Cooking the vegetables.
Why shouldn't you make fun of burn victims?
Because they've already been roasted!
What happened when the fire used Tinder?
He luckily got a lot of matches.
US Marine: Knock knock!
Al Qaeda fighter: Who's there?
US Marine: (Kicks down door, throws grenade, opens fire) FREEDOM, MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!!
Why do candles like birthdays?
Because they can get lit!
What time is it when you can smell smoke inside?
Time to get outside!
This whole string is really messed up. Y'all should be ashamed of yourselves. I just heard the audio recording of the crash and it said, "HE'S ON FIRE! BOOM SHAKALAKA!"
My friend, you lit my mind: that's what the lighter said to my thighs.
Parents: Let's have a bonfire.
Me: Let's go to the orphanage.
Parents: To bring other children?
Me: No, to have the fire.
Parents: Won't they be missed?
Me: No, because there is nobody to miss them.
Instead of the line, "This girl's on fire," my friend can relate to, "The baby in the oven's on fire, and I need to take it the f*ck out!"
The Bigfoots had a campfire. One Bigfoot asked what should we roast next. The other replied, "Maybe a penis and a girl."
Well, I got stuck in the dryer and fell asleep. Then my step bro got home, and I did not know, and hours later I woke up. My pants were down, and my butt was on fire.
Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a while. But set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
What do you call a gay barbecue?
LGTBBQ.
This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"
God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."
Someone is talking about you behind your back, make run "vhaleka."