I asked my rigger buddy if he could tie me up later, he said "I’m a frayed knot

So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons. My first time in the air, my instructor informed me but he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don’t succumb to his sexual advances I would have to jump out of the plane, and his buddy says "well did you jump?"the guy says yeah, a little at first.

*tibia honest, it takes a lot of spine to memorize all the bones in the skeletal system. i mean, there’s a skele-ton of em! you gotta be boned up for the skeletal system exam, buddy chum pal. now that was a humerus ribtickling skelepun. besides, if ya don’t know all of the bones in the skeletal system, get boned, fucking numbskull. did those tickle your funny bone? now i’ve been working down to the bone typing these puns, kid. now if you hate all these, i won’t be bothered, i got thick skin! but first, lemme take a skelfie in the skelevator playing my trom-bone. now, i gotta go to grillby’s. they got a discount on spare-ribs. bone-voyage, my homeslice breadslice dawg.

I will remember my biker buddies last words ¨Why did you cut in front of me¨.

I was camping with my buddy and there was a fire we were roasting marrsmelows and there was a vine and tripped on it and went penis first into the fire and I said well there goes your children stupid ass

What do you call when a friend calm his suicidal friend? Hang in there buddy

When Caesar’s wife told him she dreamed he should beware the Ides of March, he scoffed and said, “What? It’s not like I’m gonna be stabbed 23 times by my best buddies!”

white people: come to America, meet natives and take food, kil them, rape them and enslave them natives: can y- white people: hey you remember all that horrible shit we did to you lets have a good laugh about it over dinner with your buddies and my new wives

A guy was annoyed in a store, I walk up to him and said, whats wrong buddy? don’t worry it’s not like you’re on a abandoned Isle!"

you know buddy that is really

boroning

So I was watching YouTube and then my Friend says “Those videos never get old” and I replied “Just like a Make-A-Wish kid” and after I said that he shot me in the head and said “And now neither do you.” And now I’m in heaven and God says to me “Welcome to Paradise where it is summer days, clear skies and I said “Are there summer women” and now here I am in Hell with my buddy Hitler. I believe he’s a hero. After he killed Hitler

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