When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he's pushing the Earth down.
Why didn’t the bike stand on its own?
It was too tired.
Two skeleton brothers are talking.
1st bro: "Hey, get up! You and do some exercise! You are so heavy, you weigh a ton!"
2nd bro: "A skele-TON :)"
I'd make a joke about an obese person, but it won't work out.
Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exercise. They got up into the air and Jim said, "Okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want." Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, "I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire." Allyn said "What?" as he looked over at Jim.
How do you get to the Hogwarts gym?
Go through the dumbbell door.
Relationships are like fat people.
Most of them don’t work out.
A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.
Me: I named my dog Five Miles so I can tell people I walk five miles every day.
Old man: I ran over five miles today.
I named my dog "5 miles" so I could say I ran five miles today. I ran over 5 miles.
When my grandpa was 65, he decided to run a mile a day to keep fit.
He's 70 now, and we have no idea where he is.
An old lady was low on money because she had spent all of her money on clothes.
So she decided to go to the bank. She walked up to the guy at the desk. She asked if he could check her balance. He asked a few questions to the old lady, like her weight and her height. He asked her if she had done any exercise recently. She was very confused. She got angry and asked the man again to check her balance. So he stood up, walked next to her and pushed her over. He came to the conclusion that she had a low balance.
Bend over and spell run.
Yo mama so fat, she needed cheat codes for Wii Fit!
What did the depressed kid do in P.E.? They played with the jump rope, but they used it the wrong way.
After an intense workout, I finally have the body I've always dreamed of.
It's in my basement.
I asked the gym trainer what type of machine I should use to get the best looking women.
He said the ATM outside.
I asked the gym instructor,
"Can you teach me to do the splits?"
"How flexible are you?" he asked.
"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."
Go on the quintillionaire morning routine now!
1. Wake up. 2. Take a shit. 3. Eat. 4. Get out of bed. 5. Have breakfast.
How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?
You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving. IDK.
