Routine jokes
Not a joke, but here's a good workout, I guess:
Sit-ups: 50
Push-ups: 40
Squats: 30
Do 5 sets.
Yo mama's so fat, I run around her for exercise.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his ass.
Youโre the type of person who would pee before a shower.
What is a good night sleep? I love it when you walk home and walk home from school and walk home and walk home from home and walk home and get a good night walk and walk home from school and walk home from school and walk home from school and walk home from school and walk home from...
You know if you poo on the toilet at 11:59 PM...
Then at 12:01 AM, it's just the same shit, different day...
A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"
The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."
Why didnโt the autistic boy like Minecraft?
There was a new texture pack.
Why do people eat cereal for breakfast?
Because why not.
I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
Millions of people are doing the exact same thing as you are right now.
I love going to sleep at night.
Me and my friend's life story on a daily basis.
What time is it when you walk out to the school?
Time to go to school!
Habit.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his wife?
He wiped.
The toothbrush says, "I have the worst job in the whole world."
The toilet paper behind him says, "Yeah, right."
What goes in hard and comes out soft? A toothbrush.
I asked Daveon if he ever considered trying something new, and he replied "why fix what ain't broke?"
Derrick and Clive. They have a song about a Dad with cancer and other extremely offensive subjects in a routine called "The Non-Stop Dancer." It is very funny, but it is made even funnier by Dudley Moore's drunken and stoned laughter through the song.
One of the best routines ever. Look it up on YouTube. They recorded them in the studio, but they are ad-libbing and extremely drunk.