I have an exam next week, so I called my ex and asked if she had any cheating tips.
My last relationship ended because my ex-girlfriend accused me of being a rapist. I'm not upset. To be honest, I didn't like her anyway. She kept telling me I never listen, or something like that.
So my ex invited me to dinner with her new boyfriend.
Her boyfriend said "Hi."
I said, "Knife to meet you!"
My ex was so full of shit, she probably poured toilet cleaner in her nose to get relief.
Random person: "What's one thing your ex gave you that you can't get rid of?"
Man: *Shows a picture of his child.*
Why did the dinosaur take a bath?
So it can get ex-stinked!
Today was the worst day ever. My ex got hit by a truck... On the plus side, my truck doesn't even have a dent.
Words that have "ho" in them:
Thot
Whore
Asshole
Horrible
Horena (my ex gf)
Some guy was mad at his ex-wife! So he threw a bottle of alcohol into her house when he was drunk.
And realized when he was being questioned for arson, his cigarette was in the rim of the bottle.
Living in Houston, Texas, and realizing that hurricanes are an annual threat, my ex-wife called me and asked what would be the safest route to get out of Houston to avoid a hurricane. My answer? Take the 610 loop, dear!
What do you call a no "r"-med T-rex?
A T-ex.
On my signal, I would like you to drive onto the pavement (sidewalk) and run over my ex-wife.
What did Pennywise become after LEAVING the circus? Ex-IT.
#takemebacksophie
My ex misses me, good thing she'll never hit me.
I was in a toxic relationship. After some time, my girlfriend died. Her name was Happy. Still got no clue of her body, and here I am lying on the bed so fucking happy.
Two friends are talking and one says, "I had a good day today, I ran into my ex." The other guy replies, "How is that good?" The friend says, "I was in my car."
How is sex like air? It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.
My ex-boyfriend tried to scan himself at the supermarket checkout for fun.
“See how I can’t scan myself? It’s because I’m priceless.”
I decided I’d scan my wrist too, just for fun.
Found out I’m worth $3.97.
My ex-girlfriend got hit by a bus. I also lost my bus driver's license.
