Ex jokes

I love breakups. My ex-girlfriends always end up in pieces.

I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."

(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)

When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.

Some guy was mad at his ex-wife! So he threw a bottle of alcohol into her house when he was drunk.

And realized when he was being questioned for arson, his cigarette was in the rim of the bottle.

Why does my cheating ex-wife wear a colostomy bag? She lost her ass playing poker...

My girlfriend broke up with me today, but it’s ok.

She said we can still be cousins.

Your butt is bigger than my ex-girlfriend's butt, and I love it!

I hate family reunions. I see too many of my exes there.

So my ex, who wouldn't leave me alone because she thought I was the best person in the world even though Will has a better haircut than me, but anyway, when we broke up she said I was the worst person she ever met, and I told her she looks like a cross between a beaver and a mole rat.

Then I told her she has the Wendy's logo haircut and then some other things I'm not gonna say. 2 years of bullshit, I was done.

Anyways, she cried lol.

The only thing colder than Siberia is my girlfriend's ex!

Two friends are talking and one says, "I had a good day today, I ran into my ex." The other guy replies, "How is that good?" The friend says, "I was in my car."

My ex misses me, good thing she'll never hit me.

My last relationship ended because my ex-girlfriend accused me of being a rapist. I'm not upset. To be honest, I didn't like her anyway. She kept telling me I never listen, or something like that.

Living in Houston, Texas, and realizing that hurricanes are an annual threat, my ex-wife called me and asked what would be the safest route to get out of Houston to avoid a hurricane. My answer? Take the 610 loop, dear!

My ex died in an anchorage accident.

She always was a sleeping hooker.

Fruit is like ex-wives. They both look really good hanging from a tree.

What do you call a cow with three legs?

My ex.

Words that have "ho" in them:

Thot

Whore

Asshole

Horrible

Horena (my ex gf)

Four men were asked if they could have something with their cousin for €500.

The first replied: "For 500€? Of course!"

The second said: "I'd do it for free!"

The third replied: "I would even give her 200€!"

The fourth replied: "With my ex? Never!"

Random person: "What's one thing your ex gave you that you can't get rid of?"

Man: *Shows a picture of his child.*