Ex jokes

Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."

What's the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression fucks you harder.

My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.

I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.

What do you call a group of transgender women? Ex-Men.

I was playing laser tag with my ex, but I (wink) didn't realize I had a real gun.

Four men were asked if they could have something with their cousin for €500.

The first replied: "For 500€? Of course!"

The second said: "I'd do it for free!"

The third replied: "I would even give her 200€!"

The fourth replied: "With my ex? Never!"

A man comes home, and the wife says, "My ex just died by getting hit by a bus." And the husband said, "I lost my job as a bus driver."

I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.

What’s the difference between my ex and a unicycle?

A unicycle can only take one person at a time.

I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend, so I fucked her. Turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about.

And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her, but this time it was her identical triplet. There are 3 of them...

AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!

What do you call someone who used to kill people? An ex-executioner.

My ex died today.

I also lost my job as a butcher.

How am I an ableist? My ex-girlfriend was in a wheelchair, and we lived in the same old building with a broken elevator. I ended the relationship by moving to the 8th floor.

My ex died in an anchorage accident.

She always was a sleeping hooker.

What do you call an ex-lesbian?

A clitter quitter.

What did the snail say to his ex-wife?

"I'm still leaving you!"

My ex-friends are depressed. Their names are Kaitlyn and Ava.

My ex.

What’s the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression fucks you harder.

My ex's dad died while she was texting me. She said she had a boyfriend, but I told her I had a dad.