My ex was an orphan as a child.
I should have taken that as the first sign.
If her parents didn’t want her, why would I?
What’s the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression fucks you harder.
Ex Of Johnnys: I have a question.
Johnny: What?
Ex Of Johnnys: Am I pretty?
Johnny: Yes ofc jesus made everybody wonderfully!
Ex: Awhh!
Johnny: But whoever made you was painting Thomas the Train while making your face.
Granny says don't worry, the cries of pain are only my ex-husband's.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, We're breaking up because I never loved you.
"Hey, today was great!"
"What happened?"
"I ran into my ex today."
"What's so great about that?"
"I was in my car!"
Girlfriend: You remind me of a cell phone.
Girlfriend's ex: Why?
Girlfriend: Because you're about to die.
I love to have sex. And my name is Lex. Which one should I be with next? I really hate my ex. I just saw a huge T Rex, And I think you probably saw this text.
Welcome for the rhyme.
How did Helen Keller die?
Her ex gave her plutonium and told her to eat it.
Don't take my posts seriously, take them like your ex took you—as a joke.
I asked my now ex-boyfriend why he’s scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.
I told him that my cat doesn’t scratch, but he didn’t believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.
(Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat, so yeah 😂)
When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.
Ex-bf's gf: You're so ugly as hell.
Me: Oh, did I mention that I was trying to be you?
Your butt is bigger than my ex-girlfriend's butt, and I love it!
I did this to my ex. I stole her wheelchair. I knew she would come crawling back.
If you are a big fan of me, go to the movie and I kill the bad guys. If you don't, I will be mad and I will be sonic.exe lol.
That's cringe, bro. The ex weas pisitive.
The only thing colder than Siberia is my girlfriend's ex!
What do the Twin Towers and my ex have in common?
They both fell on my dad.
I hate family reunions. I see too many of my exes there.
