Ex jokes

My ex's dad died while she was texting me. She said she had a boyfriend, but I told her I had a dad.

You ever look back at your ex and are like, "Wow! What was I thinking?"

Then I start to think I was the problem :(

Just kidding, fuck that asshole!

My ex was an orphan as a child.

I should have taken that as the first sign.

If her parents didn’t want her, why would I?

Ex Of Johnnys: I have a question.

Johnny: What?

Ex Of Johnnys: Am I pretty?

Johnny: Yes ofc jesus made everybody wonderfully!

Ex: Awhh!

Johnny: But whoever made you was painting Thomas the Train while making your face.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, We're breaking up because I never loved you.

Granny says don't worry, the cries of pain are only my ex-husband's.

"Hey, today was great!"

"What happened?"

"I ran into my ex today."

"What's so great about that?"

"I was in my car!"

When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.

Girlfriend: You remind me of a cell phone.

Girlfriend's ex: Why?

Girlfriend: Because you're about to die.

I love to have sex. And my name is Lex. Which one should I be with next? I really hate my ex. I just saw a huge T Rex, And I think you probably saw this text.

Welcome for the rhyme.

How did Helen Keller die?

Her ex gave her plutonium and told her to eat it.

Don't take my posts seriously, take them like your ex took you—as a joke.

I asked my now ex-boyfriend why he’s scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.

I told him that my cat doesn’t scratch, but he didn’t believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.

(Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat, so yeah 😂)

Hello! I'm Taylor, and this is my life story with me and my ex girl. So when I was little, I met this girl. Her name was Leah. We were besties for a while until I turned 13. Then I asked if she wanted to date me. She said yes!

But one day, in the middle of school, she was talking to another man!!!!!!! AND THEY HUGGED AND KISSED EACH OTHER ON THE CHEEK!!!!!! Then, she told me she hated me. I was so upset!!!!!!!! Whatever you do, don't follow the ugly rat!!!!!!!!! <3

That's cringe, bro. The ex weas pisitive.

Your butt is bigger than my ex-girlfriend's butt, and I love it!

I did this to my ex. I stole her wheelchair. I knew she would come crawling back.

Ex-bf's gf: You're so ugly as hell.

Me: Oh, did I mention that I was trying to be you?

My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.

Peanuts are hard to crack, just like my ex-wife's heart.