My Ex wife still misses me, but her aim is getting better! Gravity Falls Suckers

My ex-wife was smoking pot with Snow White, when the 7 dwarf’s saw them they sang… “Look at those high Ho’s! Hiiiiiiii Hoooooo’sssss!!!”

MY GIRLFRIEND BROKE UP WITH ME YESTERDAY. i ASKED HER WHY. sHE SAID, BECAUSE YOU’RE A PEDOPHILE. I REPLIED, “PEDOPHILE! THAT’S A BIG WORD FOR AN EIGHT YEAR OLD.”

So my ex invited me to dinner with her new boyfriend. Her boyfriend said “hi.” I said, " knife to meet you."

My ex still misses me… But her aim is getting better every time!

What do you call a no r-med T-rex

A T-ex

#takemebacksophie

Gf- You are a drug. Bf- Why cause you are addicted to me? Gf- No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana.

What do you call someone who used to kill people? An ex-ecutioner.

A FED EX plane was carrying 375 fridges across Africa but the cargo door wasn’t shut properly but only 218 reached the desired destination. The rest landed in a remote village. How many fell out the plane?

Time’s up! You took too long you only had 4 seconds to answer it.

How do you put an elephant into the fridge that pushed out the cargo door?

Open the fridge, put the elephant in and close the door.

How do you put a giraffe into the fridge?

Open the fridge, take out the elephant. Then put in the giraffe and close the door.

Why did sally fall off the swing?

Because she got hit by the other 156 refrigerators.

How did she survive?

Her idiot mother tried to pull her out and accidentally ripped both her arms off. But she was rescued 8 minutes later.

Roses are red violets are blue were breaking up because I never love you

I was in a toxic relationship . After some time my girlfriend died, her name was happy . Still got no clue of her body and here i am lying on the bed so fucking happy.

Ex-Boy-Friend: You have no ass so we’re through! Me: Stop being a dick head dude!! It ain’t gonna make your little sausage any bigger!

What do you call a cow with three legs? My ex

My ex boyfriend’s dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob I had to give him a thumb and forefinger job.

I love breakups, my ex-girlfriends always end up in pieces.

What does an astronaut call his ex from space?

  • SpaceX

My ex misses me, good thing she’ll never hit me.

I was just informed that my ex was stabbed yesterday…lets just say i quit my job as a butcher

i got hit by a bus but the bus was my ex

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