Ex-wife jokes
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.
A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.
My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.
To be honest, I should have seen the signs.
Suicide is as easy as my ex-wife.
A guy goes into his attic to clean it out and finds an old oil lamp. He thinks he could sell it instead of throwing it away, so he starts to rub it and out pops this genie. The genie says to him, "Thank you for awakening me, I can grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude." The guy wishes for a billion dollars, the genie grants it. The guy then asks for a huge mansion with 2 Lamborghinis and 2 Ferraris, the genie grants it.
The genie says, "This is your last wish so really make this one count." The guy says, "Well, I've always wanted to drive out to the Hawaiian islands, because airplanes scare me to death, so I would want a highway that could stretch from here all the way to the islands." The Genie says, "That is asking for quite a lot and I'm not sure if I can pull that off, is there anything else you'd want?" The guy says, "Well, I've been married and divorced three times, and I just can't understand what I've been doing wrong. I've given my ex-wives all the love and care that I could, but in the end it was never enough. I would want to have the ability to understand women." The genie thinks for a few moments and says, "Do you want a three or four lane highway?"
My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is getting better!
My ex-wife misses me, but her aim is getting better.
What did the snail say to his ex-wife?
"I'm still leaving you!"
My ex-wife was smoking pot with Snow White, when the 7 dwarfs saw them they sang...
"Look at those high Ho's! Hiiiiiiii Hoooooo'sssss!!!!"
Some guy was mad at his ex-wife! So he threw a bottle of alcohol into her house when he was drunk.
And realized when he was being questioned for arson, his cigarette was in the rim of the bottle.
Living in Houston, Texas, and realizing that hurricanes are an annual threat, my ex-wife called me and asked what would be the safest route to get out of Houston to avoid a hurricane. My answer? Take the 610 loop, dear!
Fruit is like ex-wives.
They both look really good hanging from a tree.
On my signal, I would like you to drive onto the pavement (sidewalk) and run over my ex-wife.
Peanuts are hard to crack, just like my ex-wife's heart.
What do you call lesbians having sex?
My cheating dyke ex-wife!
What has two legs, two arms, one dead and covered in red?
My ex-wife.
I wish my ex-wife would take me back. :(
I'm deaf. My deaf ex-wife cheated on me with a guy who I met on a deaf social trip who was also deaf. I guess I didn't see the signs at the time.
Why does my cheating ex-wife wear a colostomy bag?
She lost her ass playing poker...
My and my penis never truly understood the words "Booby traps" until we met the ex-wife. God's gift of self-will was working fine until my penis went hard and my mind went blank, and God started laughing, and I swear I heard him say, "Booby trap" as he walked away! True story.