Ex-wife jokes
What has two legs, two arms, one dead and covered in red?
My ex-wife.
I wish my ex-wife would take me back. :(
What do you call lesbians having sex?
My cheating dyke ex-wife!
Living in Houston, Texas, and realizing that hurricanes are an annual threat, my ex-wife called me and asked what would be the safest route to get out of Houston to avoid a hurricane. My answer? Take the 610 loop, dear!
Fruit is like ex-wives. They both look really good hanging from a tree.
Some guy was mad at his ex-wife! So he threw a bottle of alcohol into her house when he was drunk.
And realized when he was being questioned for arson, his cigarette was in the rim of the bottle.
I'm deaf. My deaf ex-wife cheated on me with a guy who I met on a deaf social trip who was also deaf. I guess I didn't see the signs at the time.
My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.
To be honest, I should have seen the signs.
My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is getting better!
A husband and wife at custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex-wife.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?"
Ex-wife: "I brought him into this world, so I should have custody of him."
Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason."
Then the judge looks toward the ex-husband.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?"
The ex-husband thought long and hard about his response. After a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out, is it mine or the machine's?"
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.
Why does my cheating ex-wife wear a colostomy bag? She lost her ass playing poker...
What did the snail say to his ex-wife?
"I'm still leaving you!"
My ex-wife misses me, but her aim is getting better.
Peanuts are hard to crack, just like my ex-wife's heart.
On my signal, I would like you to drive onto the pavement (sidewalk) and run over my ex-wife.
My ex-wife was smoking pot with Snow White, when the 7 dwarfs saw them they sang...
"Look at those high Ho's! Hiiiiiiii Hoooooo'sssss!!!!"
My and my penis never truly understood the words "Booby traps" until we met the ex-wife. God's gift of self-will was working fine until my penis went hard and my mind went blank, and God started laughing, and I swear I heard him say, "Booby trap" as he walked away! True story.
Suicide is as easy as my ex-wife.
A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.